


Cinnamon Latte

by renjunsfairydust



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Boss/Employee Relationship, Coffee, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Rough Kissing, jeno is very patient with him, personal assistant renjun, renjun has trust issues and is afraid of commitment, soft jeno, they work in a law firm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23738773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjunsfairydust/pseuds/renjunsfairydust
Summary: Renjun makes out with a hot stranger in some bar in some street in Seoul. It's how he gets his thrills. The nameless faces and the hits from the americanos that wake him up in the morning. The next day he finds that last night has a name, his new boss Lee Jeno, and then he realises there is more than one coffee on the menu.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 90
Kudos: 623
Collections: noren fic fest round 1





	Cinnamon Latte

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #60:** Renjun makes out with a hot stranger in some bathroom of some bar one night. The next day he finds out that stranger is none other than his new boss, Lee Jeno. As his secretary, Renjun thought they'd both want to keep things professional, but then why do they keep kissing and touching when it's just the two of them? And why is Jeno so sweet and gentle and caring, why does he look at Renjun like he is in love?

He hadn’t seen him before, the dark-haired stranger alone at the bar. The man was hunched over a shot of tequila that he brought to his lips as their eyes met. 

Nights in Seoul were like this for Renjun, the clubs, the buzz, nameless faces and false, fleeting romances. There were no promises of tomorrow, just now. It was all there if you looked hard enough for it, scratched under the surface, and he knew exactly where to look. It seemed like this stranger did too, because he’d been staring from across the bar for most of the night. His dark eyes cut through the bustle of the club each time he stole glances at Renjun. He was dressed exquisitely too, the perfect candidate to break Renjun’s heart if he gave him the chance. A leather jacket seemed out of place in the heat of the club, but somehow it made him even more attractive, thin black polo neck underneath and skinny jeans hugging his long legs. Yes, he could _crush_ Renjun’s heart, but for tonight, it didn’t matter, he could pretend that he hadn’t already lost it years ago. 

There had been others this evening, men that had tried to talk to him. They were nice enough, and he was sure he would have gone home with one of them if he wasn’t fascinated by the stranger, because of him they all blurred into one. Their gazes met with intent, lingered, and when the man strode towards him, he knew where this was going. They had done shots together, and then, with the familiar feeling of alcohol in his bloodstream as it relieved his inhibitions, Renjun dragged the other towards the bathroom by the sleeve of his jacket. 

It was better, he reminded himself as he tore through the bustle of the club with the stranger in tow. This way, he could keep it anonymous, if they didn’t talk much they didn’t ask questions. Then when things started to go wrong he could make a swift exit, as he always did. It was a bad idea, he knew he was starting a new job tomorrow, the good impression he needed to make, but this man had ignited every inch of desire in him. 

Renjun swung the doors to the bathroom open, shoving the other into the nearest cubical without hesitation and slamming the bolt across. He pushed the stranger up against the back of the door, palms on the leather of his jacket, which he took the pleasure of slipping off the other's shoulders as he ran his hands across his chest. It fell heavily to the floor when Renjun pulled the man towards him, their bodies impossibly close in the already small space. 

“What’s your name?”, the stranger gasped. 

He looked up, brows furrowing. The closeness gave him a better view of the man’s face than he’d had in the dimly lit bar. It was much softer than he expected it to be, the dark eyes he’d fixated on, actually a deep shade of brown that sparkled under the artificial glow of the flickering bathroom light, framed with long lashes. His dark hair fell across his forehead and he leaned in and smiled as Renjun studied his mouth, the lips parted, waiting for an answer. Staring at them, he was tempted to trace his finger across their delicate outline, he longed for them. 

“Doesn’t matter”, he breathed and pulled him in, crashing their lips together. The other’s mouth softened and opened for him, Renjun taking desperately as the kiss was returned with as much force, the stranger's arms circling his waist. He felt fingertips running along the hem of his loose checked shirt, the taste of alcohol mixed on their tongues. 

“You’re so”, the stranger looked him in the eyes, “ _sexy_ ”, he mumbled and planted his lips on Renjun’s willing ones again. Each kiss was sloppy, messy, the heat as Renjun sucked hard on the man’s bottom lip, bit down softly and dragged it with his teeth, unbearable. In the rush of everything, he ran his hand inside the other’s sweater, fingernails dragging across the toned chest. The touches were reciprocated, and the stranger’s kisses were hard against his neck. He felt the man nip at his exposed collarbone and he groaned loudly, intoxicated, unable to decipher whether it was from the alcohol or his addiction to the stranger’s mouth. These were the thrills he chased in life, the reasons he was out in the streets of Seoul tonight. 

_Tonight._

“Fuck.” 

He broke away, head still spinning. 

“What’s wrong?” The stranger’s head shot up. Renjun was surprised by the softness in his voice but he grabbed the man’s wrist and pulled back the sleeve of his sweater to reveal his watch. 

_Two-thirty in the morning._

“Shit”, he said as he let go, the stranger’s arm falling back to his side. “I need to go...here”, he continued, reaching down for the other’s jacket on the floor, and throwing it into the hands of the bemused man. 

“Will I see you again?” 

Renjun stopped. 

_No._

“Maybe, I come here a lot”, he shrugged, not giving him a chance to respond because he was pulling him in for another kiss, the stranger caressing his cheek lightly this time. Then he broke away, resisting the urge to turn back and kiss him again, he knew it would be hard to let this one go but he had no time to be sentimental about it. 

Staggering out of the cubical, he hoped at least that in the morning, he would remember the events of this night. 

\--

The next morning, he remembered the night. He remembered it when he'd woken up with the pain of a hangover throbbing through his head. When he’d clambered out of bed and dressed in the suit he’d bought especially for this job, thought about it when he’d stood in front of the mirror and brushed the silvery blond strands of bed hair out of his face. He’d even found it crossing his mind when he stood at the bus stop, but when he’d arrived, he wished he didn’t. He wished he could erase it forever, because there in front of him stood _last night_ , dressed neatly now in a shirt and tie, the black leather replaced by a smart suit. 

_Last night_ , had turned out to be his new boss, Lee Jeno. As Renjun stood in the entrance to the office glaring at the man, he thought he might be the unluckiest human to ever exist. The chances of seeing the stranger he’d met in a bar the other side of town were almost zero. He knew already that the only luck he’d had in the first place was getting this job and he was determined to make something of his life. The numerous delivery jobs he’d taken on beforehand with an unfinished degree had been tedious, monotonous, repetitive. When he’d seen this offer, he’d told them he could start straight away, charmed his way in and won them over. It was a law firm, right in the centre of Seoul. His boss managed sales, finding clients, and Renjun managed – well, he managed his boss. 

_Personal assistant._ He’d loathed the idea at first, organising someone else’s life, having to fit around what they wanted, but it offered more opportunity than the other jobs around, and so he took it. 

Jeno’s boss, the commercial director, Doyoung, as he had introduced himself, had told him Jeno was one of their top salesmen, that he’d risen quickly up the ranks in the short time he’d been with the company. 

“He’ll be glad to have you on board”, Doyoung added as the two of them turned another corner on the fourth floor of the building. He was a smartly dressed man, corporate suit and black tie giving him an air of formality. 

Renjun hummed in acknowledgement, more focused on committing every detail of the space to memory so he wouldn’t get lost next time he walked the corridors. He kept up with Doyoung’s quickened paces though, and the two eventually stopped outside one of the offices. 

“This way”, Doyoung said and pushed the door open for Renjun to follow in. 

That’s when he saw the stranger for the second time, expect he wasn’t a stranger anymore. 

_Lee Jeno._

The man was sitting at a desk that faced the door, squinting as he strained to see the laptop screen in front of him. He too, wore a suit that fitted tightly round the body Renjun had become so acquainted with last night, the lips he’d had on his now pursed in concentration. 

_Fuck._

His boss looked up when he heard the noise, eyes drawn to the new figure, to Renjun. He glanced at his face and Renjun thought he might have seen the faintest glimmer of recognition in his eyes before it faded and disappeared. He hoped with all his heart that the alcohol had overcome the other’s system enough that he wouldn’t recall him on a sober day. But then again, Renjun remembered him, how could he forget a face like that? Renjun was forgettable though, the stranger had probably erased him from memory. It had no consequences the night before, just how he liked it, no consequences, no commitment. 

“This is Jeno”, Doyoung smiled. When the silence dragged awkwardly, Doyoung filled it. “Jeno, this is Renjun, your new personal assistant.” 

Jeno gawked for a moment longer before he spoke. “Right, yes, uh… hello.” He sounded flustered, unable to finish a sentence as he composed himself and stood up from the desk, walking over hastily to where Renjun was. “It’s nice to meet you”, he said and extended his hand, which Renjun shook calmly. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get to know each other soon enough, I know things can be awkward between colleagues at first”, Doyoung offered with a small laugh. “Anyway, I’m sure Jeno will fill you in on everything you need to know, but I’ve got to dash for a meeting now.” 

“Thank you”, Renjun stated plainly, and then he was left alone, just him and Jeno. 

The silence hung in the air for a few moments before Jeno broke it. 

“Did Doyoung tell you where everything is?” 

“Kitchen’s down there, bathroom that way”, Renjun hesitated. “Meeting rooms on the second floor.” 

“Great”, Jeno rushed. “Well, this is your desk.” Renjun could tell he was nervous as he gestured to the work station opposite his own. “You can hang your jacket over there”, he said and pointed to a cupboard in the corner of the room. 

“Thank you”, Renjun replied in a small voice, slipping his jacket off. He didn’t expect Jeno to help him, but when the other held an arm out casually, his breath caught in his throat. “Oh, right”, he choked out in surprise and placed it in the hand being offered. 

It wasn’t just the alcohol, this man was stunning, in the cold daylight, without the blurred edges of the nightclub. Renjun caught the details of his face, the sharp jawline and the tiny mole just beneath his right eye, captivated by his lips, finding a strange obsession with them. He had already watched them speak, but up close they were even more perfect. Jeno took the jacket and he felt fingers brush innocently against his own. It sent something sparking through his body, a deep desire, he wasn’t sure. 

“Thank you”, Renjun affirmed again. 

“I’m sorry”, Jeno murmured as he came back, eyeing Renjun’s shirt where it met the crook of his neck. 

“What?” 

“Your neck, I didn’t realise I’d… marked you quite as much as that.” 

Renjun brought his hand up to his neck reflexively, frowning at Jeno. _He definitely remembered_ , there was no denying it anymore. 

“So, you do remember me”, Renjun stated bluntly. “I was hoping you wouldn’t.” His hand dropped from his neck and he sighed, the bruises Jeno had left behind becoming visible just above the top of his collar. “Don’t be sorry”, he pulled the collar up further, hiding them again. “You did quite a good job on me, well done”, he said sarcastically. 

“Of course I remember being dragged into the bathroom by the most attractive person there, yes, I remember you”, Jeno glanced down at the ID card Doyoung had printed for him and grinned. “ _Huang Renjun._ ” 

“And you're Lee Jeno, the name I’ve been seeing on all my application forms. _You’re_ my boss.” 

“I’m not the one that wouldn’t tell me their name last night. I didn’t know I’d see you again this soon”. Renjun felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as the other continued. “Why did you leave so quickly?”, Jeno frowned. 

“I didn’t want to be late for my first day.” Renjun’s voice was a little quieter than before. “And”, he hesitated, “it would have been even more awkward than it already is if I’d woken up in your bed this morning.” 

“You would have come home with me?”, Jeno sounded surprised by that. 

_Yes._

“Well we’ll never know now because”, he stopped speaking, flopped down into the chair by his desk and tucked it under, “you’re my boss now.” 

“So, you arrive with a hangover and those all over your neck? But you don’t want to be late”, Jeno laughed. 

“I wasn’t paying attention to where your mouth was going last night”, Renjun retorted defensively and Jeno laughed again. 

“Okay, okay”, he threw his hands up in the air and walked over, leaning against the desk and grinning. “How about I buy you lunch to make up for it?” 

“How about”, Renjun leant in closer, “we forget any of this ever happened and keep things professional?" 

That’s what Jeno, his boss, would want, wasn’t it? Stay professional, don’t make things awkward. _It’s not like he would commit anyway_. He saw the other stiffen slightly. 

“Yes of course, you’re right”, Jeno stuttered, stumbling over the words as he did. He was starting to think that even _he_ was more professional, this was definitely someone that needed a personal assistant. 

Ignoring the look of disappointment in the man’s face, he changed the subject. “Is there anything else I need to know before I start, or can I organise your life now?” 

Jeno walked over to his own desk, taking out a bundle of papers and bringing them back. “Here’s a list of our top prospects”, he began, still a little sunken by rejection. “Could you start ordering them from the highest priority to the lowest?” Renjun was surprised by how his voice retained its same softness as last night, but it made him feel at ease. “I’ve got to head off for a meeting now, but I’ll be back in about two hours, if you could make a start that would be great”, Jeno finished, taking his laptop as he made his way to the door. 

“Will do”, Renjun affirmed. “And by the way Jeno.” 

The other’s head turned. 

“I’ll take you up on that lunch offer”, he smirked. 

\--

When Jeno left, Renjun was alone in the office. He unpacked the bag he had brought with him, a few pens and a notepad too, then signed into the new laptop on his desk. That’s all he would need for now, aesthetics could wait for later. He studied the room, Jeno’s desk opposite his, taking the time to scan over the items on it. It was a little messier than he would have liked to see it, but overall gave the impression that Jeno was uncomplicated. There were a few stacks of papers piled clumsily on one side, a cactus that looked like it had seen better days on the other, and some pictures of Jeno and what Renjun assumed to be his family plastered next to the large screen in the centre of the desk. _Quaint_ , he thought to himself as he opened his inbox. Whilst it loaded he took a few of the papers Jeno had handed him, reading over the content of the clients and their case information, deciding which was most important shouldn’t be too difficult. He checked his emails, Doyoung had sent him Jeno’s calendar. 

By the time he’d scheduled in the tenth client for the week, Renjun was bored, very bored. So bored, that when Jeno returned from his meeting, despite their awkward interactions this morning, he was glad because at least he would have _someone_ to talk to. Jeno had his laptop tucked under one arm and a brown bag clasped in his hand. He placed the bag on his desk and fumbled inside it before he dug out a sandwich and handed it to him. 

“Lunch”, he smiled, taking out another sandwich for himself. 

“You bought this?” 

“You said you wanted it”, Jeno frowned. 

“I did”, Renjun said. “I wasn’t expecting you to bring it.” 

“Did you make a start on those prospects?”, Jeno asked as he peeled open the sandwich packet and took a bite. 

“They’re done.” 

Jeno swallowed. “Already?”, he questioned, voice sounding shocked. 

“Yep.” Renjun flashed the laptop briefly. “Here.” He gestured Jeno over, half eaten sandwich still in his hand and a lopsided smile as he stood behind Renjun. “I thought if we move the more urgent clients to the beginning of the week you would have-“ 

Renjun froze as Jeno leant over his shoulder. He’d already spent the day trying to convince himself that he could look past the Jeno of last night, that he was a distant, fond memory. This was the real world though and he didn’t get what he wanted, especially not when it was his boss. But Jeno smelt like summer evenings, ones where the scent of the blossoms hung heavy in the air, nipped by the cold promise of the oncoming dusk, and he hadn’t noticed it yesterday. Pressed against him like this there was no escape from it. 

“- time for the less urgent ones so you could fit more in”, he finished awkwardly and moved the page down. The other seemed to notice the awkwardness too because he retracted and exhaled. 

“Okay well, can you contact them and set up meetings? Schedule them into the calendar once they confirm their availability.” 

“On it boss”, Renjun said and saluted dramatically before typing again, Jeno retreating to his own desk. “One more question boss.” 

“What’s that?” 

“How do you like your coffee?” 

“My coffee?”, Jeno frowned before he finally caught on. “Oh no, uh … you don’t have to do that.” 

“Really? I thought it was part of the job. Anyway, what if I want to?” Renjun shrugged. As he said the words, he didn’t miss the redness in Jeno’s face, the light blush across his cheeks, and he shifted in his seat. 

He was making his boss flustered. This was new. 

\-- 

On his second break of the day, he met Jaemin for the first time. 

As the afternoon drew on, Renjun felt the effects of the previous night manifesting in his head, the ache making him slump in a chair at one of the kitchen tables. He shut his eyes and willed the pain away. 

“Rough night?", a voice spoke, tinged with amusement. 

“Yeah”, Renjun groaned with his head still in his hands, raising it slowly to see the owner of the unknown voice and viewing him curiously. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a friendly face, light hair swept across his forehead in streaks with golden highlights. In his hands he held two cups of coffee. 

“Headache?”, he asked. 

“Awful.” 

“Here”, the man said and placed one of the cups in front of him. “Straight americano, fresh from the coffee machine over there. Extra sugar, you looked like you needed it.” 

“Thanks”, Renjun stated and downed half the contents in one go, the sweetness hitting his taste buds as the caffeine eased his headache. 

“I’m Jaemin by the way”, the other continued as he sat in one of the empty chairs opposite Renjun and smiled. “I haven’t met you before. I’m one of the lawyers here.” 

It was then that Renjun decided he liked this man, he didn’t ask questions. He was blunt and to the point. Renjun was sure they would get along. 

“Renjun”, he said as he shook hands with the lawyer. “I’m new, I… work for Lee Jeno.” 

“Jeno, hey, he told me he was recruiting. You’re the new personal assistant then?” 

“That’s me”, Renjun grimaced. 

“How are you finding it?” 

“It’s early days still, but Jeno seems… nice.” Renjun watched as Jaemin let out a short laugh. 

“Yeah that’s a good way to describe him, Mr nice guy.” He raised an eyebrow. “If you get bored you can always come by my office for a chat, it’s the other end of the corridor.” 

“Oh right.” Renjun caught on to the implication and nodded. 

“Anyway, Friday evenings”, Jaemin announced. 

“Friday evenings?” 

“A group of us from the office usually go for drinks, you should join us sometime.” 

“That sounds great”, Renjun remarked. 

“Amazing. Well, it was very nice meeting you Renjun, but I have a client to see in exactly six minutes so I’m going to have to be off. I’ll see you around.” 

He smiled as Jaemin disappeared out the kitchen door. 

\--

After that encounter, Renjun returned to the office. Jeno was already in there, but before he could greet him, he was hit by the intense smell of cinnamon and chai and coffee all at once as it filled the room with overwhelming sweetness. On Jeno's desk there was a coffee, a cinnamon latte. He could tell this because the words were scribbled in tiny font on cardboard wrapped around the cup. 

Renjun didn’t acknowledge it out loud and so Jeno didn’t pay him any heed. They both simply smiled at each other as Renjun took a seat at his desk and continued to work, the strong smell of coffee lingering in the air. 

_Perfect._

\--

His second day proved much better for his head, but not so good for his heart. The hangover was gone, replaced instead by a fresh feeling of hope, a thought that today would be an improvement to the last. He left his apartment and took the bus into the centre of Seoul. Arriving early, he stopped at the coffee shop next to the building and waited in the long queue. Of course, working in one of the wealthiest business districts, meant the drinks would be expensive, but he paid for them anyway, an americano, without sugar this time, in one hand and a cinnamon latte in the other. 

Jaemin was outside the entrance of the shop, and when Renjun had recognised him, a conversation sparked between the two until they reached Jeno’s office on the fourth floor. The talk was idle but comfortable and so Renjun felt at ease, distracted from what he would face when he walked through those doors. 

He glanced around the empty office though, placing the fresh cup of coffee on Jeno’s desk. From here he could see the view outside the window, the streets of Seoul busy with the early morning bustle of commuters, buildings with crowds already flooding into them. The sun shone through the window, pouring onto Jeno’s desk in shades of vivid gold that would fade away with the passing daylight. 

He snapped out of his daydream and straightened his tie, pacing back to his own desk dismissively. The sun didn’t reach that part of the room and Jeno’s desk cast shadows of darkness onto his own. He sat down, hoping the offering would at least mean he could make a better impression on his boss than he had done yesterday, that the events in the nightclub could be forgotten. 

But then, twenty minutes later, Jeno came through the door, and _dammit_ , he was still beautiful. 

He was dressed differently to yesterday, still smart but with a casual air that made him even more alluring, an open collar and a loose shirt, hair a little messier and sticking up in places. He seemed startled when he noticed Renjun. 

“When did you get here?” 

Renjun checked his watch. “About twenty minutes ago”, he mused, noticing Jeno’s eyes flick to his own desk. 

“What’s this?” 

“Cinnamon latte”, Renjun stated. “It’s a good job you got here when you did, or it would be cold.” 

“What- how did you know?“ 

“Lucky guess”, Renjun shrugged. 

“You really know everything huh?” 

“I saw it on your cup, Jeno”, Renjun laughed. 

“You did?” 

“I’m observant, it’s my job.” 

“ _You_ ”, Jeno began as he walked over to his desk, “are impressive.” He sat down. “You can charge that on expenses.” 

“Don’t worry about it, that one was on me”, Renjun said with a small smile. 

“Oh… thank you.” 

“No problem.” 

The conversation was followed by silence, Jeno bringing the cup to his lips to take a sip. Renjun watched, transfixed, fascinated, and his mind flashed to the nightclub bathroom again. He was there, with Jeno against him, dizzy from the feeling of the kisses. Right now, he couldn’t help but wonder what those same lips on the coffee cup would feel like if they were pressed on his instead. 

_Professional_ , he reminded himself, but the man’s eyes caught him staring and locked the contact. Jeno blinked once and his eyelashes fluttered against his smooth skin as Renjun saw the hint of a smile on his lips. He cleared his throat and averted his gaze to a spot on the wall. 

“Would you like to go through your schedule for the day?”, Renjun said loudly. 

“Yeah that would be great.” 

“Okay so”, Renjun continued, thankful he could focus on his laptop screen instead of Jeno’s face. “You’ve got two meetings this morning with potential clients. I’ve booked you an hour out after lunchtime and made a list of prospects you can follow up.” He scrolled down. “Then an hour meeting with the commercial director.” He looked back up at Jeno. “Do you want me to slot in gym time for you too?” 

“Let me guess, you’ve seen my gym bag hanging on the back of the door?” 

_No, I’ve felt your body up in a nightclub bathroom._

“Something like that”, Renjun replied shortly. 

“Tuesdays and Thursdays at the end of the day would be good”, Jeno answered. 

“Got it.” Renjun finished typing then sat up and stretched. “You’ve got some contracts to sign too, I’ll go through them with you. I was reading before you got here and I think you need to check one of the clauses, you might not be covered by it.” Jeno was taken aback by his knowledge. “I’m not sure though, there’s plenty of lawyers here you could get one of them to look over it.” 

“You’re very good at this”, Jeno remarked. 

Renjun shrugged. “You’ve got an hour before your first meeting, I’ll walk you through it so you can sign them.” Standing up with the papers in his hand, he walked towards Jeno’s desk. 

He held them out but Jeno miscalculated and the pages dropped to the grey carpet below. Renjun crouched down instinctively to pick them up, Jeno reaching at the same time. 

Their hands met, a gentle brush of fingertips. Renjun felt all his senses heightened by it, how a simple touch could drive him to the brink of his own sanity astounded him and he shivered. The feeling was too much and when he peered up into Jeno’s dark eyes, they softened as he studied Renjun’s face. 

It was compelling, but Renjun retracted his hand quickly, Jeno already grasping the papers. 

“uh- sorry- “ 

“No-no, it was my fault. I’ll get Jaemin to have a look at these later.” 

"You need to sign it here when you’re ready.” Jeno’s eyes followed his finger. “And here”, he finished, pointing to the blank spaces on the document as he leant over Jeno’s shoulder. 

Renjun felt the lightest nudge of fingertips on the back of his hand and froze, relishing the closeness, the same closeness he had felt when their hands had touched initially. 

_Professional._

He pulled away, albeit slowly, but with the intent of moving on from his own flustered state. 

“I’m sorry”, Jeno coughed nervously. “I’ll have a read of these later, thanks.” 

Renjun hesitated but returned to his desk. 

“Renjun, you know more than a lot of people on this floor do.”, Jeno’s voice cut through the quiet. 

“I did business at university.”, Renjun stated. 

_You failed a business degree._

“So did I”, Jeno replied. “What did you want to do when you left then?” 

“I’m keeping my options open, I’ve only just started. There wasn’t a lot around when I applied and this is the best law firm in Seoul, so I took the opportunity.” 

“Well it’s a versatile degree, I’m sure you’ll find what’s right for you. In the meantime, it’s great to have a personal assistant with such credentials.” 

“I’m hoping to learn a lot about the law business in this job.” 

“Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.” 

“Yeah”, Renjun said quietly. 

Then they settled down into the silence again. 

\--

The next unexpected touch came later that day. 

When Jeno returned from his meetings, Renjun was leafing through a stack of invoices that had just been sent down from accounts. 

Jeno glanced at him for a second before slipping his jacket off. Renjun stood up and approached him, holding out the invoices. 

“These just came in for you, they look okay, but can you check them before you sign?” 

Jeno didn’t say anything at first, he simply nodded, jacket in hand, and moved past Renjun to the cupboard across the room. Renjun didn’t miss the way his hand slid across his waist as he did. It was quick, fleeting and light, but the fire that seared Renjun’s core as a result of it was absolute. The shiver this time was even more intense, more undeniable and he was left dazed. 

He spun around, but Jeno had already gone, only met with the form of the other in the distance, his back and his slim hips silhouetted by the sun through the window. He stopped at the cupboard and hung the jacket up, turning slowly. 

“Thanks, I’ll take those now.” 

The attraction pierced Renjun's protected heart. 

_Fuck._

He took a deep breath and swallowed the feeling down. 

\--

As the week dragged on Renjun started to notice Jeno’s distraction, how his eyes were flickering in his direction, it was getting difficult to ignore, even harder not to reciprocate. 

“Would you mind taking some notes for me at this meeting?” Jeno called across the room. 

“Sure, anything in particular you want me to take down?” 

“Any actions I get, and the sales targets for the month if that’s ok?” Jeno responded and peered around his monitor with a grateful smile. 

“Have you got the list of client prospects that I sent to you?” Renjun checked. 

“Right here,” Jeno held them up as he folded his laptop and tucked it under his arm. 

In the meeting room there were a collection of directors and senior management that had gathered to go through the monthly performance figures. He wondered if he could be that successful one day, maybe even finish his business degree and get some real qualifications to his name. 

Tapping quietly on the keypad in front of him, he made extensive notes, not just for Jeno but also for himself so that he could learn about the company. He listened attentively as Doyoung excelled in this situation, everyone around the table hanging on his every word, delivered with a clarity and confidence that Renjun found captivating. 

Interrupting his thoughts, Renjun glanced sharply across the table as he felt the other’s eyes on him. Jeno looked away quickly, to Doyoung again as he wrapped up his presentation, as if nothing had happened. Renjun smiled to himself and carried on typing until a few minutes later he felt it again. 

This time when he glanced up, Jeno didn’t look away immediately, his gaze held for just a little longer than appropriate, parting his lips slightly and running his tongue along his teeth as if to stifle a smile, before dropping his eyes. He watched him then, hoping to catch him out if he tried it again, before looking back at his screen. 

“Would you like to tell us about your latest client acquisition, Jeno?”, Doyoung asked suddenly. 

Renjun shot a glance at Jeno who, on hearing his name, was looking wide-eyed at the faces waiting expectantly for him to respond. 

“Yes...umm.” 

“That would be Acritax, wouldn’t it Jeno?” Renjun jumped in, “the new client acquisition that you are going to give an update on?” 

“Yes, that’s right, Acritax.” Jeno beamed, mainly at Renjun, “They’ve just signed a new five-year deal to use our legal services, it’s a major win for us,” he announced positively, switching seamlessly into professionalism again and flicking his presentation on to the large display screen on the meeting room wall. He stood up, delivering an insight into the new client and how much revenue the deal would generate perfectly. Renjun saw the approving looks from his audience and how he commanded the room, clearly in his element. As he finished, he looked to Renjun again and mouthed a quick “thank you” as he sat down, and the discussion diverted to another topic. 

This was getting dangerous. 

\--

Renjun was busy at his desk the afternoon Jeno returned to the office with two coffees. They’d been more comfortable with each other as the days passed and despite the growing attraction Renjun had developed, and the tension that hung in the air when they were together, he enjoyed Jeno’s company. 

When he saw Jeno today, the man smiled and placed one of the cups on the desk. 

“I thought that was my job”, Renjun said sarcastically. 

“And _I_ thought you might like this.” Jeno gestured to the paper cup. 

Renjun removed the plastic top and peered inside at the liquid. “Americano. How very observant of you.” 

“I tried my best”, Jeno laughed. “Anyway, now we’re equal. A coffee for a coffee.” 

“Never heard that one before. You’re a charmer, I can see why you’re a salesman Jeno.” 

_Sicheng was a charmer too._

He thought he’d known everything about his first love. 

Sicheng was his first everything, his first crush, first boyfriend, first time. He’d even been there when Renjun had come out to his mother, holding his hand as he did. He was warm like home and he was Renjun’s safety. 

He’d enrolled at the same university in Seoul as Sicheng because he told Renjun to and he had thought they would be together forever. Renjun hadn’t seen the danger signs back then, he knew he was too naïve to. 

He had followed Sicheng. 

Something about university, about becoming men, school uniforms to their new student life, had changed Sicheng. Or maybe it had always been like that, Renjun didn’t know. 

They both studied business, they lived together, rarely separated in their first year. Renjun was smart, he’d always been smart, but now he was distracted by the very thing he clung to. 

“ _Fuck the degree_ ”, Sicheng had said as he took another drag from the cigarette between his fingers in their tiny flat. The plaster on the walls was cracked and the wallpaper peeled at the edges, something Renjun had been made to pay for when their tenancy finally expired. Sicheng had pulled it off the wall one time when he was drunk. He was drunk again. “ _You don’t need it_ ”, he’d laughed and kissed Renjun. The smoky taste of the cigarette on his tongue filled Renjun’s lungs, he hated it when Sicheng smoked but he’d learnt to be comforted by it because it tasted like him, and that meant he was here, he was real. 

When Sicheng wasn’t there, Renjun had been the loneliest. In their second year the parties had started, and Sicheng had disappeared most days in the early evenings, returning in the night. Renjun would always wait up for him to come home with the smell of some stranger on his clothes, would numbly hold him against his chest in the bed they shared. 

Life was about thrills for both of them, Sicheng found his thrills in the parties, Renjun found his thrills in Sicheng. Burnt cigarettes, failed assignments and Sicheng holding him down on the bed. It was all too high inducing, he was hooked on the thrill, on pleasing Sicheng. They were living in the now, no time to think about the future and he thought he was happy with that. 

Then it shattered. 

Sicheng had broken him, he didn't care where he was now, he didn’t want to know. Renjun had failed his degree and Sicheng hadn’t. Sicheng had moved on to better things. 

He didn’t want to commit to anything like that again, he’d only get hurt and so he would do it alone. He’d protect himself, live for the thrill but not for the sting of emotional attachment. 

He blinked up at Jeno now. “Anyway, there’s some paperwork here for you”, he continued hastily, reaching for the pile. As he did the paper caught the edge of his index finger, causing a sting to spread as it tore his skin. He drew in breath sharply from the pain and winced as blood rose to the top of the cut. Jeno glanced down at him. 

“What happened?” 

“It’s nothing.” Renjun hid his finger under the desk. 

Jeno raised an eyebrow at him. “Let me see it”, he said softly as he put his coffee down. 

He brought his finger up and Jeno stared at the fresh blood. 

“It’s just a papercut.” 

“Does it hurt?” 

He nodded. 

“Hang on a second.” 

Jeno disappeared to his desk and pulled open one of the drawers. With his back turned, Renjun let a smile he had been holding back tug at the corners of his lips. 

Jeno returned with a tissue in his hand and he held it out. 

“It was just me being careless.” 

“Here”, Jeno held out the tissue again and Renjun hesitated but took it with his uninjured hand. 

He wiped it across the cut and the blood disappeared momentarily and then more appeared. He tried again but the flow continued, and he stared at Jeno helplessly. The other reached out and took the tissue, bringing it back to his finger and pressing down on the cut as he held his wrist with his free hand. Renjun winced. 

“You need to put pressure on it”, Jeno commented. 

Renjun felt Jeno press the tissue against his finger harder. He inspected his face, lined with marks of concentration as he focused. The concern was back, if Renjun squinted hard enough, he could almost fool himself into thinking that Jeno might actually care about him. 

He gripped the tissue and pulled away. 

“Thank you”, he mumbled and continued to push it carefully onto the cut. “I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay.” 

Renjun wished Jeno could have been the person he trusted, but he wasn’t. Jeno was his boss and they had a professional relationship. Sicheng was his weakness and he’d almost let down his guard. 

He glared at the cut. It still stung. 

The pain was nothing compared to the one in his heart as the memories tore through him. 

\--

By the second week, he thought things had settled between them, that their professional relationship had flourished. But then there were the touches, and the looks that sent him over the edge. It was like he couldn’t get away from Jeno, yet he craved it. Jeno was sweet, gentle and caring, something Renjun didn’t want to admit but found himself daydreaming about all too often. 

“Team building day?”, Jaemin groaned in disgust. He was sat at the kitchen table next to Renjun, the two having made a habit of their morning coffees. 

“It might be fun”, Renjun contested. “At least I don’t have to make schedules for one day.” He looked at Jaemin and sighed dramatically, the other still sceptical. 

“Another one of those directives from the top, no thank you”, Jaemin murmured. “Legal and Sales team building day”, he muttered under his breath and got up from his seat. 

“Well”, Renjun began, “it’s meant to make us all more productive so let’s see how it goes.” 

“I guess so.” 

When he and Jaemin entered the conference room, most people were already in there. It was full, but just like they had done in the nightclub, his eyes found Jeno immediately. The man was sitting casually on one of the couches in the corner of the room, chatting idly and smiling at the right time when one of his colleagues said something he knew was meant to laugh at. He stopped when he felt Renjun’s eyes on him, glancing quickly and smiling. Renjun dropped his gaze then and pulled Jaemin to another part of the room away from his boss, the other startled but compliant in his boredom. 

The noise settled down when a young woman walked to the front of the room. She was wearing a tag with her name on and an obnoxious orange shirt with the logo of the company printed on the back of it. She smiled and adjusted the clip of the microphone on her collar. After introducing herself, she began to speak about the team, and leadership, and resilience, but Renjun was hardly listening, more focused on one of the chairs in front of him, tracing the lines of concentration in Jeno’s brow as he squinted to focus. 

“The first activity then.” The sound of the woman’s voice broke Renjun out of his daydream. “Get into pairs with the person closest to you.” Renjun looked at Jaemin and smiled, _easy_. “Now, how well do you know this person? Have you spoken before? This exercise is designed to get you thinking about the value of knowing those around you, of understanding them. You need to find out three things about them that you didn’t already know.” 

Renjun listened as Jaemin reeled off each one of the facts he’d given him about himself to the people around them, captivated by the way Jeno’s expression changed as he listened to each word being spoken. 

“This is Renjun”, Jaemin began and Jeno peered up discreetly. 

Renjun smiled awkwardly as the two were forced to stand up from their chairs. 

“He’s an only child, his favourite food is hotpot, and this is his first corporate job.” Jaemin pointed to Renjun then, a signal he had finished his piece. 

“And this is Jaemin”, Renjun began. Jeno seemed less interested in this information because his head dropped slightly. “He’s been a lawyer for four years, he completed his degree in America, and he was born in Busan.” 

Jaemin was right, this day was useless. As the tedious exercises continued, his boredom only grew stronger. 

“Now, for the next one, I want you to partner up with the person you work most closely with in the team.” 

The words drew him back into focus, that would be Jeno then. 

Before he knew it, Jaemin was being dragged away by a woman Renjun had never seen before, looking back apologetically. Jeno walked towards him instead. 

“Hello”, Jeno smiled. 

“Hi.” 

The uncomfortable conversation was interrupted by the sound of the woman’s voice through the microphone again. 

“Being in a team is all about trust, it doesn’t work if the team has no trust in each other.” _Renjun didn’t trust anybody_. “I’m sure all of you have done a trust fall before, but probably not with the person you're looking at right now.” She paused and Renjun groaned audibly, earning a confused glance from Jeno. “Now”, she continued. “I want you to take it in turns to fall back and let your partner catch you. Remember that you need to trust them for this to work.” 

Then everyone else in the room started moving around them, the laughter circling them in their own space of silence. Renjun looked at the floor. 

“Should I go first, or do you want to?”, he heard Jeno offer and so he dared to look up. 

“I will”, Renjun said shortly and moved so he was standing in front of Jeno. 

“Okay, ready”, Jeno affirmed then and Renjun squeezed his eyes shut reluctantly and let himself fall backwards without thinking. 

Jeno caught his waist easily and Renjun tried to ignore how his heart dropped into the other’s hands along with the rest of his body. He didn’t linger, pushing Renjun gently back into a standing position. 

“Your turn”, Renjun rushed and Jeno turned away from him. “Okay.” 

Jeno fell into his arms and he could smell that summer’s evening again as the nape of the man’s neck was pressed so closely to his face and it distracted him, his feet stumbling backwards and Jeno falling further in his arms. He caught him again though and this time held on tighter than before. Then he brought him back up and let go. 

“I thought you were going to drop me then”, Jeno joked. 

“Of course, not”, Renjun said, smiling. 

After that, the woman had given a talk about something that neither Renjun nor Jaemin were paying attention to. They sat in a line, the three of them, Renjun, followed by Jeno, then Jaemin. Renjun glanced over at Jaemin, who, having rolled his eyes at the talk, started scrolling through messages on his phone. Jeno on the other hand, seemed deeply engrossed, a notepad and a pen in his hand as he scribbled down occasionally on the paper. It made Renjun smile, he couldn’t help it, Jeno was endearing. 

The afternoon session was almost as dull as the morning one, until the end. The woman told them to get into the same pairs as earlier, the ones for the trust fall. 

“I want you to try it again now but this time when you fall, think. Does it feel any different than before? Do you trust your partner?” 

Renjun fell back into Jeno’s arms, the other catching him as he did before, except this time, the touch lingered, like it always did with Jeno, like he wanted it to. That familiar sensation rose from the pit of his stomach, the tingle that spread into a blush of energy across the skin Jeno had contacted. He spun round, his hands reaching out to find balance somewhere, but in the end resting on Jeno’s chest. His eyes widened as they met Jeno’s, who smiled at him kindly. 

Renjun wasn’t sure he trusted Jeno, but he definitely felt something. 

\--

The final straw came one evening after work, the touch that drove him over the edge. Everything had been fine in the day time, they’d laughed, spoken about anything really, but something about the oncoming evening set the tension high in the confines of the office. 

“I’m going home”, Renjun had rushed quickly and stood to pick up his jacket from inside the cupboard next to Jeno’s desk. He took it, slipped his first arm into the sleeve, reaching for the second. 

He hadn’t heard Jeno. 

The sleeve dropped as he fumbled with it, struggling to get his arm through the gap. 

Then he felt Jeno, in the gentlest of touches, as he pulled the jacket up carefully around Renjun’s shoulders, so his arm went through with ease. Jeno’s hand rested there for a moment before it slid down his arm until the contact was gone completely. The action had been an instinct, he could tell, but it was one that had flustered him to the very core. 

Renjun didn’t say anything, he didn’t turn to look at Jeno, kept his gaze on the floor. He knew, that if he did look, he wouldn’t be able to control himself, that he would have put both hands on the man’s face and kissed him hard, until they had forgotten everything around them, until nothing mattered anymore. 

“Well”, Renjun said as he pulled the jacket tighter around his body. “Goodnight then.” 

He walked towards the door and pulled it open, only letting himself relax when he had slipped into the hallway. 

It was then he knew for sure that he wanted Jeno. 

\--

The first forbidden kiss happened in the office. 

Both of them were working late that night, adjacent on the small couch as the daylight turned into the dusky hours of evening and darkened the room. 

Renjun stared at the screen of his laptop, a contrast to the fading light around him, and then to Jeno who sat beside him with his own laptop, focused on a document he had opened. 

Renjun was planning Jeno’s schedule for the week again, wanting to get it out of the way tonight so he could focus elsewhere the following morning. However, as much as he tried not to, he found himself distracted by Jeno’s repetitive movements on the keyboard. 

“If I put this meeting here”, Jeno turned his head as Renjun dragged a box across the screen, “is that okay with you?” 

“The one tomorrow?”, Jeno asked. 

“Yes, that one.” Renjun pointed to the screen again and Jeno nodded. “I’ll print you off a copy of this in the morning.” 

Jeno continued to type, and this time Renjun wasn’t looking at his own screen. He focused on Jeno’s fingers, fixed on the action and the sound of the keys in the quiet of the room. 

Jeno stopped, inhaling loudly, but then continued as Renjun kept stealing glances at him. 

One moment, Jeno’s hands were on the keyboard, and the next they were at the collar of his shirt, loosening it slightly, then returning to type. Renjun watched still, Jeno biting his lip softly. It could have been concentration, it could have been something more, but all Renjun could think about was how incredibly attractive it was. 

What was professional? Had they crossed that line a long time ago? _Professional_. The business relationship between two colleagues, mutual work partners, a purely necessary association. Jeno’s dark hair fell into his eyes as he worked, his teeth catching the edge of his lip as he bit it again. 

He was too far gone. 

Jeno didn’t look at Renjun still but brought his finger to his lip and touched his parted mouth. Renjun’s gaze fell there instantly and it didn’t leave, still focused on the pillowy skin of Jeno’s lips. 

Jeno looked at him, he looked at Jeno and then nothing else mattered. The only thing he could see was Jeno as his heart beat harder. 

Then the waiting stopped. 

It felt natural, the way his lips slotted against Jeno’s. He’d weakened but he couldn’t stop now. Professional wasn’t enough for either of them to give this feeling up. As the heat of the kiss intensified, Renjun slipped his tongue into Jeno’s mouth easily, finally meeting the warmth he had been deprived of for so long. His hands gripped Jeno’s shoulders and pushed him back against the couch, laptops discarded on the table. He landed roughly against its plushness, not a moment to comprehend what was happening when Renjun slid his hands to circle his shoulders, their lips still locked. He could feel Jeno kissing with ease and passion, a longing desire. Renjun swung his leg over Jeno’s waist, kneeling above him. The hands around Jeno’s neck found their way to his tie, loosening it more so he could slide his fingers down the back of Jeno’s shirt and run fingertips along the junction between his shoulder blades. 

They broke apart breathlessly, both savouring the feelings they could indulge themselves in, Jeno’s breath fanning hot against his cheek. 

_Then the knock at the door came._

It was loud enough to startle them both out of the safety they had created in their tiny office space. Renjun jumped off Jeno instinctively and sat up against the couch, reaching for his laptop. He watched Jeno smooth his shirt and push his hair back, flustered but coughing once as he straightened his back. 

“Come in”, he said in a loud voice, only Renjun sensing the vague tremble in it. 

The sound of the door opening made Renjun look up nervously from his screen, Doyoung appearing in the doorway and smiling broadly at them. He glanced at Jeno then at Renjun, but the smile didn’t drop. 

“Did you finish that schedule?”, Doyoung’s voice sounded from the door. 

“I… yes it’s here”, Renjun cut in. “I’ll print it for you.” 

“Thank you”, Doyoung replied. “Well,”, he started slowly as the awkwardness hung heavy in the air. “I hope you both have a good evening.” 

Renjun laughed. “You too.” 

Then Doyoung was gone. It was just him and Jeno, the tension unbearable as they faced the view of the darkening sky from the window. 

“I’m sorry”, Jeno said quietly. 

Renjun snapped his laptop shut. “I’m going home”, he said and threw it into his bag, slinging it across his shoulders. He didn’t look back at Jeno as he slammed the office door shut. 

He vowed never to think of it again. 

\--

They had sex for the first time in Jeno’s apartment. 

It happened on a Friday afternoon, following days spent contemplating his mistake, the slip up, the kiss, and Renjun thinking he had got it out of his system. He thought he’d got Jeno out of his system. But the more time he spent alone in the office with Jeno, the more attractive he found him. After the kiss, Renjun had avoided Jeno, they avoided each other, the comfortable conversation they had grown used to replaced by awkward silences and small glances. As much as he tried not to think about it, he couldn’t help but picture Jeno’s lips on his every time he saw him. Their closeness made him crave them again, remember how much better they had felt when he was sober, when the thrill of it was real in his mind. 

Still, he tried to forget. It was a mistake. 

But the avoidable became unavoidable the night of the storm. 

At the end of the day he’d left before Jeno. He could hear the rain outside, but he thought it better to leave now than be stuck in a room with Jeno any longer. So, he’d left, greeted by the wind that rushed through his hair, the rain making it stick to his forehead heavily. 

By the time he’d walked to the bus stop he was drenched. He waited there, shivering and freezing as he was exposed to the cold. Ten minutes later, he was still waiting, but now, the headlights of a car appeared in his peripheral vision, stopping where he was. 

_Jeno._

The man rolled the window down halfway. 

“Want me to drop you off at your place?” 

“No thanks”, Renjun grimaced but the wind blew the sheets of rain into his face again and he scrunched his eyes shut. 

“Renjun please get in, you’re freezing.” 

Renjun looked at the sky, it was dull and grey. The rain wouldn’t ease any time soon. 

“Okay”, he mumbled and walked towards the door of the passenger seat. “Thanks.” He sat down and shut it, pulling the seat belt across his body quickly. 

“Do you get the bus every day?”, Jeno asked quietly. 

“Yes Jeno, I do.” 

“I didn’t realise.” 

Renjun rolled his eyes. 

“Where do you live?”, Jeno continued in attempts to coax conversation. 

“The other side of town.” 

Jeno nodded. “Are you warm enough?” 

“Yeah”, Renjun insisted but the shiver that struck him then told Jeno otherwise. Jeno reached past him and flicked on the heating, so the hot air blew in Renjun’s face softly. 

They drove in silence then, but when the rain had got harder and transformed into a storm, lightning struck around the car. Jeno had suggested stopping at his apartment and Renjun had agreed to stay until the rain eased off, he hoped that wouldn’t be long. 

Even from the outside, the apartment seemed expensive. It was on the ground floor, a few steps leading up to the entrance and a glossy black door. Renjun followed behind Jeno. When Jeno moved the key into the lock and pushed the door open, he was greeted by a small brown and white animal at his feet. It nuzzled against him and then moved on to Renjun next as he followed through the door behind Jeno. 

“You didn’t tell me you had a cat”, Renjun mused as he reached down to stroke its fur softly. 

“Would it have made a difference?”, Jeno laughed. 

“Maybe.” 

“Her name’s Bongsik”, Jeno added as he slipped his suit jacket off and hung it on the back of the door. 

“ _Hello Bongsik_ ”, Renjun cooed as she continued to purr against his touches. “She’s beautiful.” Renjun saw Jeno smiling at him. 

“Pass me your coat, I’ll put it out to dry.” Jeno held out his hand and Renjun slid off the wet clothing and gave it to him, standing up. Bongsik followed him this time as he walked to the heater and draped it there. Renjun shivered in the thinness of the shirt and trousers he wore. 

“You can use the shower if you want to, it’s just across the hallway”, Jeno pointed to one of the doors. 

“Oh, I – “, Renjun started. “Thank you”, he was flustered, “I’ll do that now”, he said and walked nervously in the direction he was pointed. 

“No problem, towels are under the sink”, Jeno shouted after him. 

“Thanks.” 

After Renjun had showered, he finally felt warm again and with it, a reluctance to put on the soaked clothes struck him. Instead, he’d found Jeno’s bedroom and taken a pair of grey sweatpants that he had to roll up at the ends, and a pink hoodie from the drawers. He hoped Jeno wouldn’t mind but at that moment he didn’t have any alternative. His hair was wet still, and it clung to his forehead. He pushed it back with his fingers, but it flopped across his face again and fell into his eyes. 

He walked back into the hallway after that. The room was open planned and led into the kitchen where Jeno now was. He’d changed out of his work clothes too, the suit and tie replaced by another set of sweatpants. They were black and he had a white t shirt on, glasses now resting on the bridge of his nose. Renjun could see the outline of his body through the clothing and it sent a different kind of shiver tightening across his chest, different to the one the cold had evoked, a kind of tingle that began in his stomach and blushed through to his fingers. He swallowed when Jeno turned around. 

“Help yourself to anything you need”, his eyes trailed over Renjun and he let out a sigh that was accompanied by a laugh as Renjun smiled awkwardly at him. “You already did.” 

“I’m sorry, my clothes were soaked. I’ll change out of them as soon as mine are dry”, Renjun said quietly as he looked at the floor. 

“No need”, Jeno motioned to the rolled-up ends of the pants and laughed, Renjun suddenly feeling the heat of the man’s eyes on him. 

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.” 

“I guess you’re learning a lot about me today. I always take out my contact lenses when I get back from work, my eyesight is pretty terrible without them.” 

“Hmm”, Renjun nodded. “They suit you.” 

Jeno was about to reply but the smaller’s attention was caught by something else and he stepped closer to it to inspect the detail carefully. 

“That’s nice”, Renjun gestured to the painting that hung on the wall. 

“That?”, Jeno laughed. “My ex gave it to me, she was big on alternative art.” 

“Oh”, Renjun said quietly. 

“Oh?” 

“I just thought you-“ 

“I’ve dated women too.” 

Renjun smiled sheepishly at Jeno. “Right, oh, that’s fine I just…”, he trailed off. 

“Didn’t know?”, Jeno questioned. “I think I prefer men anyway”, he laughed again. “I don’t know, I haven’t been in a relationship for a while, work’s taken over everything. I was with her for a year, but it broke off naturally, she said I wasn’t right for her and I don’t think she was right for me either.” 

Renjun nodded and mulled over the information, not enjoying the thought of Jeno being with someone else. 

_Professional_. He gritted his teeth and walked to the window, folding his arms as he peered out of it. “It looks like it’s getting worse.” The forks of lighting struck the ground outside the apartment and the rain beat down against the already flooded roads. “Are you sure you’ll be okay to take me back once it’s eased off?” It didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon but Renjun couldn’t bring himself to face that fact. 

“Yeah of course.” 

Renjun turned back to face him then. 

A big mistake. 

His arms unfolded, dropped to his sides as he saw the beauty in front of him. Jeno was stunning, the lightening striking at intervals and giving Renjun a glimpse of the details in his face, the softened brown eyes that focused into Renjun’s, and the dark hair that swept over his features. It overwhelmed his nervous system, that body, those eyes, the smile, the emotions etched into his expression. He wanted to take it and make it his own. Even if he couldn’t have Jeno forever, he just wanted to take a part of him for today. 

The rain still didn’t abate. Jeno coughed once. 

“Do you like stir fry?” 

Renjun frowned. “What?” 

“If that’s not going to stop”, Jeno motioned to the window as he flicked on the switch to the gas, “then I’ll make dinner for both of us.” 

“Stir fry would be great”, Renjun replied honestly. He sat at the table opposite Jeno and watched as the man cooked expertly, the two of them chatting at intervals. Then it went quiet again and as Jeno fried the vegetables, he played some music through his phone, a song Renjun hadn’t heard before, but he was mesmerised by the way Jeno hummed softly, turning the food in the pan with a fork every so often as he swayed in time with the rhythm. 

They ate, and after dinner the two had found themselves next to each other on the couch in the lounge, Bongsik curled up in between them as she purred in her sleep. 

“She’s so affectionate”, Renjun smiled. 

“I think she likes you a lot”, Jeno replied softly. “She’s a rescue cat so she can be quite jumpy around new people, I found her on the street one day and brought her home, she’s been here since then and not met many new people. She seems to have taken to you though.” 

Jeno’s heart was big, Renjun realised that now as he listened, his own heart secretly melting as he memorised the softness in the details of Jeno’s smile. 

After an hour, Bongsik had woken up and jumped off the couch, Renjun startled but laughing gently as she wandered off out the room, leaving the two of them alone. The silence dragged on as it always did, each filling their head with thoughts of the other. They were both reclined on the couch, feet resting on a table where two cups of coffee were laid out. 

“Jeno, can I ask you a question?” 

“Go ahead.” 

Renjun inhaled. “You seem like a stay at home kind of guy, what were you doing in the club?”, he paused, “the night we… met.” 

Jeno chucked softly then. “Actually, I was meant to be on a date, but I got stood up. I downloaded some awful dating app and we matched, he never showed up though. Maybe he got lucky earlier in the night, I don’t know.” He stopped, his voice lowering. “It was my good fortune anyway.” 

Renjun let out a burst of laughter then. 

“That’s why I drank so much that evening, I felt so awkward waiting there by myself, and then I saw you and well, I would have left if you weren’t there.” 

How anybody could ever stand this man up, Renjun would never understand. He could feel all his sharp edges softening, and so he tried his best to put them up again, sighing. 

“We all get let down sometimes”, he stated dismissively. 

“Thanks for the sympathy”, Jeno laughed, his eyes forming crescents. “What about you then, what were you doing there? Do you always drag people you’ve just met into bathrooms and make out with them?” 

Renjun kicked Jeno’s foot lightly off the table, the contact causing another blush to settle over his already sensitive skin. “Hey”, he frowned, “not all the time.” 

“So, I was special then?” Jeno nudged Renjun with his elbow. 

“I didn’t say that.” Renjun turned to shove Jeno with his hand but the other caught his wrist before he could. 

The laughter ceased then as their eyes met. Renjun couldn’t help it. He looked at Jeno’s face, his neck, down to the broad chest and then his sweatpants, bringing his eyes back up to meet Jeno’s own hooded ones. Jeno let go of his wrist, slowly. 

Renjun tensed for a moment, facing back out across the room. He stared out the window in front of them. 

The storm had already stopped. 

He broke the silence. 

“You’re my boss.” 

“I know”, Jeno replied. 

There was another drawn out silence, and then, Renjun turned and he was on Jeno, like a switch had been flipped inside him. All he felt was the warmth of Jeno, of his mouth on his neck, sucking the skin there as his restraint slipped further away. Jeno kissed along his jaw urgently and finally up to his parted mouth, Renjun registering the wetness of his lips as they worked against his. He gasped at every touch, whined at the graze of his own lips with Jeno’s. He could feel the leather of the couch underneath him, Jeno’s cold hands under the sweater, holding his waist in place carefully under the fabric as he trailed his kisses down to the skin there, breath hot on his stomach. The coffee on the table had gone cold a long time ago but neither of them cared. Renjun hooked his legs around Jeno’s waist and the other hoisted him up by his thighs and stood, carrying his weight in his hands. 

“You have no idea how much I want you right now”, Jeno breathed. 

Renjun slammed his lips onto Jeno's again, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Everything was needy from that moment onwards. The way Jeno carried him to his bedroom, the way he threw him down on the bed, their eyes dark and eager with arousal. The way Jeno had Renjun pressed into the sheets, with Jeno’s name on his lips for the rest of the night. 

They were hooked on the thrill of each other. 

\--

Renjun was warm all over when he woke up. It took him a moment to gather his bearings but when he did he found the source of the warmth. Jeno’s chest was pressed against his back, the man’s arm slung softly around his hips. He pulled the duvet up and peered under the sheets. He was met by the sight of his own naked body and he shivered slightly as the cold air in Jeno’s bedroom drafted against his exposed skin. He turned over in the bed. Jeno was still asleep, his head pressed peacefully into the pillow, lips parted and chest rising and falling. His lashes fluttered against his face in his slumber, they made him look so innocent. Renjun wondered how he could ever look innocent again after last night. Jeno’s face made him recall the memories that sleep had blurred. He closed his eyes and he could feel it all again. 

_Jeno’s hands on his waist, chapped lips at his skin. Hands against the wall, Jeno behind him on the bed, their sweat mixing and the salty taste on both their tongues._

He opened his eyes again and brushed a strand of dark hair out of Jeno’s face. 

_His hands dropped from the wall, he leant back against Jeno’s chest, head in the other’s shoulder, throat exposed right next to Jeno’s face as the other's fingertips brushed against his neck._

The sex had been needy, a desperation perforating it, they had both taken what they needed, but Jeno had treated him with so much care afterwards. Laid him down in the bed next to him, both too exhausted for words. Then he’d held Renjun close and the other had fallen asleep with Jeno’s breath tickling the back of his neck, lulled by the softness. 

Renjun hesitated as he examined the sleeping man, the sun’s light filtering in through the blinds in rays of warmth onto his face. He hesitated but slipped out of the hold, running the soles of his bare feet across the softness of the plush carpet as he stood up and stretched. 

He needed to leave, now. 

Their clothes were still scattered across the room haphazardly, in his case, the clothing he had borrowed from Jeno. He picked up the sweatpants and slipped them on, then the pink sweater. They smelt like the fabric conditioner Jeno used, he’d smelt it on his bedsheets too. 

Once the clothes were on, he had no other reason to stay and so he would make a discreet exit, catch the bus home himself. He grasped the handle of the door and pushed it downwards. 

“At least stay for breakfast.” 

Jeno’s voice was muffled by the pillow his face was pressed into, but it made Renjun stop. He turned, Jeno was sitting up now, back against the headboard, the hair that Renjun had pushed out of his face having fallen back into it. 

“You’re awake”, Renjun stated. 

“Don’t leave yet, I’ll cook”, Jeno offered nervously. 

Renjun couldn’t help the soft laugh he let out at the other’s gentle nature as he picked up the shirt at his feet. “Put some clothes on then”, he laughed and threw it in Jeno’s direction, watching as it landed softly on his chest. 

Half an hour later, they were both fully clothed, Renjun sitting at Jeno’s kitchen table again. The other had presented a stack of pancakes he had cooked, which were currently on a plate in the centre of the table. He took one onto his plate, cutting a piece and biting down on it. 

“It’s delicious”, he said through a mouthful and covered his face with his free hand self-consciously when he realised. Jeno only laughed, and then the silence they had grown so familiar with ensnared them in its trap again and it dragged this time, for longer than it ever had done before. 

“Last night was amazing”, Jeno ventured. 

“The best”, Renjun cut in quickly, “but we can’t do that again.” 

Jeno looked at his own plate of pancakes, deflated. 

“Because of… work, right?”, he said slowly. 

“Yeah”, Renjun lied. 

_Because I know I could fall for you._

“Pass me your plate”, Jeno continued cheerfully, but Renjun could see the sadness in his eyes as he tried his best to control it. 

Renjun passed it to him. “Thank you, for the breakfast”, he smiled. He meant it. 

“No worries, I’ll take you home. Your clothes are on the heater still, I’ll get them for you so you can change before we leave.” 

Renjun nodded. 

“Thanks.” 

He wished he could say he regretted that day, that he shouldn’t have done it, because he shouldn’t. But somewhere in his heart he still clung to the sheets of Jeno’s bed, to the warmth of him, taking a piece of it for himself to treasure forever. 

\-- 

On Monday, Renjun had expected things to be awkward between him and Jeno. After all, that was not a stranger anymore, Renjun had slept with his boss. He knew he made bad choices, but this had to be one of his poorest decisions yet. What he had not been anticipating, was the normalcy he was met with when he entered the office. Jeno was just as sweet to him as before, all the softness in his voice. He’d been out in meetings for most of the day and Renjun hated himself for it, but he found he missed the other. It was a revelation that frightened him, and when Jeno returned in the middle of the afternoon, he’d done his best to ignore it, feeling his stomach drop as Jeno closed the door behind him. 

“Hello”, Renjun said with little expression in his voice to mask the rapidness of his own heartbeat. 

“Hey”, Jeno replied as he stood in the doorway and walked inside. “Actually”, he let out a breath he had been holding. “I was wondering if maybe you wanted to grab a drink after work today?” 

“Oh…”, Renjun trailed off. 

“Is that a no then?” 

“It’s a; Jaemin already invited me to one of the office drinking nights tonight and I may have told him yes”, Renjun weakly replied. He watched Jeno’s face drop visibly in disappointment. “Why don’t you come too?”, he offered with a smile but Jeno only laughed. 

“It’s not really my thing”, Jeno paused. “I didn’t know you were close with Jaemin.” 

“Yeah, we’re friends.” 

“Everyone wants to get a date with him.” 

“I don’t”, Renjun said bluntly. 

Jeno laughed. “Really?” 

“It’s not a date anyway. Why are you saying stuff like that Jeno?” 

“Like what?” 

Then it clicked in Renjun’s head. 

“You’re jealous.” He smirked at Jeno. 

“I’m not.” The other shook his head defiantly. 

“Yes.” Renjun pointed at him in protest. “You are. Why are you so concerned who I’m meeting with?” 

“I just don’t understand”, Jeno frowned. 

“What?” 

“Friday night, what was that?” Jeno’s voice was quiet now. 

Renjun’s heart almost leapt out of his throat as he glanced at the confusion in Jeno’s eyes, questions that he wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ answer. 

“It was great sex”, he deadpanned. 

The confusion was replaced by a grin and then Jeno was walking towards him and sitting in the seat next to his desk. “Thanks”, he sighed proudly. 

Renjun raised an eyebrow. “You don’t have to worry about any of that, really. I’m not looking for a relationship.” He shuddered and laughed. “Especially not with Jaemin.” 

Jeno nodded, masking his hurt and so Renjun didn’t notice it then. He looked at Jeno, expecting annoyance, for him to walk away, a cutting remark. 

All he got was a smile. 

\--

Two days after that, they had sex for the second time. 

Both of them were working late, later than they had ever stayed. The rest of the team had gone home, that’s what Renjun had assumed, although he’d never actually bothered to make certain of this. He’d finished his work hours ago, and he was sure Jeno had too but neither of them seemed able to tear themselves away from the company of the other, the small glances or the bursts of comfortable conversation. So, they stayed. Renjun was leant against Jeno’s desk as they spoke, palms grasping the edge of it for balance. 

“Is that your family?” he pointed to one of the photos taped messily to Jeno’s computer. 

“Those are my parents”. There was a man and woman, both with their arms around a smiling Jeno. Jeno’s hair was different there, lighter and pushed back out of his face, his cheeks more prominent, he assumed it must have been taken years ago. 

“What do they do? High flyers like you too?”, Renjun questioned. 

“My father runs a software business that he set up himself, so…”, he trailed off as Renjun looked across at him expectantly. “Well there’s quite a lot of pressure for me to be successful too.” 

“And you are”, Renjun said and pointed to the placard on the desk that bore Jeno’s name in thick black font. 

“I guess so.” Jeno’s gaze fell when he saw it. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I know they want the best for me, and success has helped me a lot, a nice apartment, a comfortable job, but”, he inhaled. “Sometimes I think I’ve forgotten who I really am.” 

Renjun frowned. “Who are you really then?” 

“I don’t know.” 

Renjun noticed the sadness in the lines that marked Jeno’s face and it tugged at the strings of his heart. “Okay, tell me something about you that I don’t know.” 

“What is this, team building day?”, Jeno scoffed dismissively. 

“I’m being serious Jeno, just answer the question.” He saw the other hesitate before responding. 

“I like working out”, Jeno tried. 

“I know that already”, Renjun snorted. 

“Oh right. Yes, you do. Um… I like cats.” 

“Yes, I’ve met Bongsik too.” 

“I can play guitar”, Jeno tried again. 

“See!" Renjun exclaimed, eyes lighting up enthusiastically. “I didn’t know that.” 

“That’s the problem. I know what I do, but I don’t know _who_ I am”, Jeno said quietly. “All I’ve ever focused on in my life is the academic goals, success, achievements. I’ve never done anything out of the ordinary before, anything crazy. I’m boring.” 

Renjun studied Jeno then, he was far from boring, he gave him a sort of thrill like none he had ever experienced before. “I don’t think you’re boring”, he pouted and moved so he was perched on the desk fully. 

“You’d be the first then, everyone thinks I’m boring”, Jeno laughed weakly. 

Renjun didn’t know what compelled him to do what he did next, but he hooked his fingers around the arm of Jeno’s chair and pulled. The wheels slid easily on the carpet, until Jeno had been drawn into the gap between Renjun’s spread legs. He watched the other swallow as he eyed Renjun’s figure, trying to gauge the response he had elicited. 

“Then, let’s do something exciting.” Renjun gripped Jeno’s tie and pulled him in closer until their faces were almost touching. “Something _spontaneous_ ”, he whispered. 

“Now?”, Jeno choked out, his cheeks flushed, but Renjun could see the evidence of the other’s arousal when he glanced down into his lap. 

“Right now”, he breathed slowly, brushing his softened lips against Jeno’s to tease him. He pulled away instantly though. “Let’s do something _crazy._ ” 

They were both too far gone for self-restraint now. 

“I thought you said we weren’t going to do this again”, Jeno whispered. 

Renjun knew he was betraying himself. He leant down and kissed Jeno softly. 

“You shouldn’t listen to me, _you’re the boss_.” 

The switch was flipped again, Jeno kissing his mouth urgently as he stood up from the chair and encircled Renjun’s waist. 

“You make no sense”, Jeno mumbled. 

“I know”, Renjun kissed him once. “I’m sorry.” He meant it but the sound was muffled by Jeno’s lips. 

Before he knew it, their clothes were discarded across the floor of the office, Renjun was in Jeno’s arms, he felt safe there. Jeno was becoming his new safety – _risky_. Right now, he didn’t care, he craved it. He threw the stacks of papers and the pens off the desk, his body covering it instead as he let Jeno’s hands explore him. 

After that day, he knew he would never be able to look at that desk in the same way again. 

\--

The day after that had been different to the last. It dragged slowly with little excitement. This was, until Jeno had bounded towards Renjun’s desk and smiled. 

“What are you looking at me like that for?”, Renjun joked. 

“Hello Mr Huang.” 

“What do you want _Mr Lee_?”, Renjun said with a smirk. 

“To get to know you better”, Jeno answered. 

“And how do you propose to do that?” 

“I thought we could”, Jeno glanced at his watch quickly, “talk more over a coffee. There’s a new café in town about a fifteen-minute walk away and I’ve heard they do a very good cinnamon latte. I thought you might want to try the americano too.” 

“Well, I do have these reports to finish off still I’m- “ 

“I’m sure your boss won’t mind if you finish them off tomorrow.” Jeno grinned. 

Renjun seemed sceptical still. He didn’t hate spending time with Jeno though, not at all. 

“If you insist.” He shot up from his chair. “Come on then.” 

He walked to the cupboard and took out his jacket along with Jeno’s, handing the other his and slinging his own around his shoulders. Jeno just smiled at him, even as they left the office. They walked beside each other, Jeno holding the door open for Renjun and the two entering the corridor together. 

“By the way Jeno.” Renjun stopped in front of him. 

“Yes?” 

“This is not a date.” 

“Sure”, Jeno grinned. 

Then Renjun kept walking. 

\--

Jeno was right, the coffee tasted amazing. 

They’d ordered at the counter, Jeno telling Renjun he would bring the drinks over for both of them. So Renjun left to sit at a table he’d seen at the back of the room. It was a single one, small with two chairs placed opposite each other. He sat in the one that faced the window and waited for Jeno to walk across the café that was dimmed by the warmth of the yellow lights that hung from the ceiling. 

When Jeno searched for him, he waved a hand softly until the other’s eyes fell on him. He smiled and held up the two coffees in large white ceramic cups, not like the flimsy paper ones both of them usually came back to the office with after a run to the café outside their building. Jeno placed them on the wooden table, sitting down in the chair opposite Renjun. 

“As I said before, I want to get to know you better.” Jeno slid the americano across the table. 

“What do you want to know?” Renjun picked it up and took a sip, warmed by the heat of the bitter liquid. 

“You know about me, now I want to know about you. Tell me anything”, Jeno stated. 

Renjun took another sip of the americano. “I’m Huang Renjun and I make bad decisions.” 

Jeno raised an eyebrow at him, a small smile crossing his lips. 

“Okay, okay.” Renjun put the cup down on the table and looked at Jeno. “I said I did business at university.” 

“You did”, Jeno affirmed. 

“Well actually, I failed my degree, because of one of those bad decisions.” 

“What happened?” 

“I put my trust in the wrong place”, Renjun answered in a muffled voice. 

“You’re not telling me very much. You are single right now aren’t you?”, Jeno questioned after a moment of silence. 

“Yes, I am”, Renjun replied with a laugh. 

“That’s good but…” Jeno stopped drinking his latte, sitting back against the chair. 

“But what?” 

“I don’t understand why.” 

“Look at me”, Renjun scoffed. “Do I really look like someone that someone else would want to commit to?”, he started nervously but stopped when he noticed Jeno’s eyes on him. Jeno observed him carefully, like he was prying him open with his kindness. 

Jeno picked up the latte and brought it to his lips. “Yes”, he breathed and took another sip. 

Renjun didn’t believe him, his trust had been broken so long ago he’d forgotten what it was like to give himself completely to anther person. But, for a second, in that tiny café on the corner of a street in the manic city of Seoul, he remembered it all too well. 

In his second year of university, that’s when the arguments with Sicheng had worsened. They were always the same. 

Sicheng slammed the door to their apartment shut. 

_“I know where you’ve been. I know what you’re doing. Sicheng, I can smell him on you”_ , Renjun had said. 

_“I’ve been at a bar, with my friends.”_

_“Stop lying to me!”_

Renjun couldn’t have held the tears back any longer than he already had, and he hated himself as each one rolled down his face. He’d already shamed himself, so he didn’t bother to wipe them away. They blurred Sicheng out of his vision each time they filled his eyes, coming back into focus as he blinked. 

_“I don’t know if you’re what I want anymore.”_

_“Sicheng I’ve given up everything for you”_

Renjun had felt the sting of fresh tears in the corners of his eyes, and he let them fall. Sicheng’s face softened then, and for a moment, he saw the boy he had fallen in love with, the kindness that had pulled him in, and it made him weak. Sicheng walked towards him, stopping in front of his face. 

“ _Look_ ”, Sicheng had whispered as he wiped away a tear on Renjun’s cheek with his thumb. “ _Don’t cry_ ”, he’d said softly. Renjun moved his hand so that it was on top of Sicheng’s and he was about to pull it away, to shove the other off, tell him to get the fuck out, but he was weak and so he let it rest there. “ _I’m sorry_ ”, Sicheng whispered. 

Renjun didn’t say anything. 

Then Sicheng kissed him, and he kissed back. 

He was weak, he knew he was. 

Sicheng had made him feel loved, he was all he had and so when Sicheng took his hand then, Renjun let him. 

He'd brought them both towards the bedroom, and he let him. 

When he had laid Renjun down and kissed away the last trails of tears on his face, he let him, because he loved him. 

Sicheng gave up eventually. Two months later he had walked away forever, fading with the summer of that year. Renjun had cried but this time Sicheng wasn’t there to hold him. He failed the exams, dropped out and tried to forget any of it had ever happened. 

_He didn’t want to feel like that again._

Renjun glanced at Jeno, then at his cup, the last drops of coffee at the bottom. He swirled it, throwing his head back to drink them down. “It’s just easier that way.” 

“What are you so scared of?” Jeno asked. 

_Myself._

\--

The third time they had sex, it was different. 

It was nine in the evening when they’d finally finished in the office. 

“I think it’s done”, Jeno said as he glanced at the presentation for the new client pitch he had to deliver next week on his computer screen. 

Renjun nodded and closed his laptop. “I’ll be off then.” He peered at the darkness through the blinds and sighed. 

“Thank you for staying, it would have taken so long without you”, Jeno started as he slid his laptop into his own bag. 

“It’s no problem.” 

“It’s late, let me give you a lift to your place”, Jeno suggested calmly. 

“No, it’s fine, I’ll just take the bus”, Renjun insisted. 

“Really it’s okay, it’s the least I can do after all your help.” 

The sky outside was darkening and he exhaled slowly, turning to face Jeno. 

“Okay, that would be great, thank you”, he said slowly. 

That’s how Renjun found himself back in Jeno’s car. It was the first time they’d driven this route since the morning after he stayed at Jeno’s. Renjun spent most of the journey staring out the window of the passenger seat as the streets of Seoul blurred past him, the buildings and the apartments, until they were pulling up outside Renjun’s block the other side of town. 

“Thank you”, Renjun spoke quickly as he undid the seat belt and pulled on the handle of the car door, so it swung open. His hand lingered on the frame but after a moment he climbed out. Stopping as he looked across to the driver’s seat, he smiled. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then”, Jeno rushed. 

“Actually”, Renjun leant his head back into the door frame. “Do you want to come in for coffee?”, he dared. 

Jeno nodded. “I’d love to.” 

He heard the click of the other door as it opened and Jeno climbed out of the car, locking it afterwards. 

“It’s that way.” Renjun pointed to one of the buildings in the complex of apartments. 

He walked in front of Jeno then, hearing the other’s footsteps as he followed. The building was slightly run down from the outside and Renjun could feel the embarrassment seep into his mind as he thought about Jeno’s apartment, and then his own, unlocking the first set of doors with one key. That led the two of them into the building and he went towards the stairs. They walked to the third floor, Renjun hearing Jeno’s heavy breaths once they reached the door. He put the key into the lock and pushed. 

“Take your shoes off when you come in”, Renjun mumbled and slammed the keys down on a table. Jeno followed him through to the kitchen, where he flicked the switch of the kettle, so the blue light lit up on it. “Sorry, I’ve only got instant”, he said as he flashed Jeno the jar of coffee granules on the kitchen counter. “You can go through, I’ll bring it in.” 

Jeno disappeared into the lounge and Renjun heard the click of the kettle as the water boiled. He took out two old cups from the cupboard above the sink, spooning some of the granules into them. The water went in next, steaming as he stirred them both. When he carried them through to the lounge, Jeno was already sat on the couch comfortably. He placed the cups on coasters on the table and then flopped down next to him. 

“It’s nice”, Jeno stated. 

Renjun wasn’t sure what he was talking about, the two of them, the coffee now in his hand or the apartment, so he settled on the latter. “It’s not much”, he started cautiously but upon seeing the other’s interest perk up, he continued. “I went home after I dropped out of university, but after that I moved here by myself.” 

“And where is home?” 

“Incheon. I lived there with my mother. She’s been on her own since my dad left.” 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be, she’s much better off without him. He was in another relationship for a year before we found out. I think he’s still with the woman now. I don’t know, he doesn’t make contact much anymore”, Renjun grimaced. “I came here to get a better job, but I ended up working in delivery. I rent this place, I’d like to get my own apartment really, but for now this is home.” He laughed weakly. “I hoped you'd never come here, I was so embarrassed about it. You should see some of the other places here though, this is one of the nicest-“ He stopped when he heard the other laughing softly. 

“What?” 

“You wouldn’t tell me anything before and now you can’t stop talking.” Jeno grinned at him. “I’m finally finding out about you, what’s making you open up now?” 

Jeno was so close, their thighs touching as they sat beside each other. 

“I don’t really know”, Renjun exhaled. “I just find you easy to talk to.” He glanced around at the neatly tidied room. “This is me, you’ve seen it so you might as well know the rest.” 

Jeno smiled then. “It’s really nice to have someone to talk to, living on your own can get lonely.” 

“Sometimes its good to be alone”, Renjun said bluntly but his eyes caught Jeno’s and once again, he was captivated by them. Jeno’s eyes were what had drawn him to the man in the first place, and now, cramped together like this, the other so close, he couldn’t help but stare. 

“What does that mean?” 

“Nobody can hurt you then.” 

He watched the gleam in Jeno’s eyes dull as it turned to pure sadness. Being so distracted by this, he didn’t notice how the other’s hand reached into his lap. He exhaled slowly when he felt warm fingers on his own, Jeno closing his hand around his and squeezing gently. 

“Renjun”, he began sincerely. “I won’t hurt you.” 

Renjun needed to pull away, before he was caught again. He knew he never would though, he knew he hadn’t just invited the other inside for coffee, nothing was ever just coffee with them. 

“And I don’t want to hurt you.” Jeno’s face was closer now and he breathed in the warm scent of the summer evening that was filling his lounge. “So, let’s stop-“ 

He couldn’t even finish his own sentences before his lips were on Jeno’s. He wanted to stop before he lost himself completely, but he crumbled. It felt so right, to have Jeno like this, and he closed his eyes to focus on the feeling of the kiss. It was gentle and soft, with all the promises of care and even if it was a lie, Renjun would take it. Jeno’s hands went to his hair, carding fingers through it and tugging gently as he pulled Renjun’s head backwards to deepen the kiss. Then the fingers trailed down his back and he shivered when they stopped at his tailbone. It continued like that, slow and warm, until Renjun grazed the waistband of Jeno’s pants and lingered. The other stopped, breathing shakily as he pulled away and smiled. 

“Shall we, go to the bedroom?”, Jeno whispered, his voice trembling in anticipation. 

Renjun stood, pulling Jeno up with him by his arm. He dragged them both through the hallway towards his bedroom but stopped suddenly once they were outside it. 

“Wait here for a second”, he said nervously and pushed the door so he could slide inside. 

He inspected his room carefully, he had to be quick. He took the pyjamas he’d thrown onto the floor that morning and stuffed them in a drawer, straightened the sheets on the bed, knowing they were going to ruin them again in a matter of minutes. The white plushie toy he kept on his bed was face down on the mattress. He grabbed it quickly and stuffed it under the bed. Then he went back to the door and pulled it open slowly, a stunned looking Jeno waiting outside. He gripped the sleeve of Jeno's shirt hastily and pulled him into the room. Neither of them talked, Renjun reconnecting his mouth with Jeno’s instead and the two kissing hungrily, as though the seconds they had spent apart made them more desperate for the touches. Jeno's hands found Renjun's hips and then they were stumbling until the back of Renjun’s knees hit the bed frame and Jeno was pushing him down onto the mattress gently. 

They could take their time, they both wanted this. 

As Jeno knelt above him he leant down and caught Renjun’s lips, lifting his shirt carefully over his head and throwing it down on the floor, eliciting a light giggle from the smaller. He let his eyes flutter shut as Jeno kissed along his jaw, down his neck and to his stomach. 

“I can’t resist you”, Jeno whispered. 

_I don’t want you to._

This was the sex that scared Renjun the most. It wasn’t like the other times, not frantic or needy. It was slow and gentle, Renjun gasping Jeno’s name softly as he responded to all of the touches. It scared him because it made him feel something, it was more than just sex for the sake of it. Jeno had taken his time, kissed behind Renjun’s ear, along his neck, on his forehead, anywhere that kisses could go, he had placed them. 

He wasn’t alone in his bed tonight, he had fallen asleep in Jeno’s arms. 

\--

When Renjun woke up, the sight seemed all too reminiscent of those weeks ago when he had woken up in Jeno’s bed. This time though, he recognised his own room and his heart beat slightly faster. He didn’t know how this man was infiltrating every part of his life, he turned the dials of his heart with such calculation. Yet here Jeno was, surrounding Renjun with warmth as he laid next to him. He knew he was making this worse for himself, but Jeno was addictive. 

Sex with emotion, it had been a long time since he'd had that. 

Jeno was already awake, still hazy with sleep, but he smiled when he focused on Renjun. “How long have you been awake?” he mumbled against the sheets. 

“About ten minutes.” 

Renjun laughed but Jeno spoke again. 

“Renjun can I ask you a question?” 

Renjun looked at Jeno expectantly, frowning when the other turned over and reached under the bed for something. 

“Who’s this?”, Jeno chuckled as he waved the plushie in front of Renjun’s face. 

“Hey!”, Renjun whined and snatched the toy out of Jeno’s hands quickly as he felt his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He hugged it close to his chest and pouted before he placed it with care on the table next to the bed. “I’ve had it since I was a kid.” He heard Jeno laugh softly and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his own face. 

“I have a real question.” Jeno’s face turned serious again. “I know it would be difficult… as colleagues.” Renjun frowned questioningly but Jeno didn’t stop. “I think we broke those rules a long time ago, they were already broken the first time you opened the door to my office. I just… want this to be more than us sleeping together. I like you more than that Renjun, it’s not just sex to me. I want this to be _us._ ” 

“You do?”, Renjun laughed anxiously as he buried himself further under the sheets. 

“Yes.” 

“Oh”, Renjun stuttered. 

“Oh? Is that it?”, Jeno paused. “I thought maybe you might have liked me too.” 

Renjun pulled the sheets away from his face and turned to look at Jeno. “ I do like you Jeno, I like you a lot. I think you’re great, but I already told you… I can’t do relationships.” 

Jeno was wounded. “Are you never going to let anyone in then?” 

“I don’t know.” 

That seemed like the final blow for Jeno, his face contorted, and he pursed his lips. 

“You’re a coward.” 

“I know”, Renjun replied quietly, accepting the words he knew were true. 

“I can’t keep doing this.” Jeno hesitated, as though the words caused him pain. “ _We_ can’t keep doing this, it’s going to hurt us both.” 

After a moment deep in thought, Renjun rolled over from his side. He buried his head in Jeno's neck and threw an arm round his waist. “I’m sorry”, he whispered against the skin. He felt Jeno’s hand pull him in closer and then he was hot all over, Jeno sighing as he held Renjun close. 

“You’re going to have to face it one day, you can’t avoid it forever”, he said slowly. 

“I’m sorry”, Renjun replied again blankly. He could sense Jeno’s brokenness but knew he wasn’t going to push him. 

“It’s okay”, Jeno groaned softly, but then the warmth was gone as he rolled out of Renjun’s bed and started to put on the clothing that had been thrown across the floor. “I’ll see you at work”, he mumbled. 

Then Jeno left. 

\--

The next Monday, the office was unsually quiet, the memories of the weekend still hanging in the air. It was tense, being so close to Jeno and even from the distance that separated their desks, Renjun could sense that the other was hurting. 

“I did these schedules over the weekend for you”, Renjun tried as he looked up from his laptop. 

Jeno stopped typing. “Thank you.” Then the sound of typing continued as he stared blankly at his screen. 

“Do you want me to book your meetings in for today?”, Renjun tried again. 

“No, thank you I’ve already done it.” 

“Oh right”, Renjun murmured as he stared at his laptop screen again. “Well, good luck with the presentation later.” 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem”, Renjun said under his breath and sunk down further into his desk chair. 

At lunch time, Jaemin had asked him why he was so quiet, and he had just replied that he was thinking about the weekend. This wasn’t entirely false, he was thinking about it, he felt like shit, nothing felt okay anymore. 

Then at the end of the day, Renjun smiled sadly at Jeno. 

“Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight”, the other said weakly. 

That was how the rest of the week continued. 

\--

On Saturday evening Renjun had been alone in his apartment. He’d not been hit by a true sense of loneliness for the past three years but the time he’d spent with Jeno had reminded him exactly what it was like and he’d found himself craving being beside the other. He missed the warmth that he had grown to know and the comfort. The pull to Jeno had become so strong though, that an hour later, he was stood outside his apartment, cat treats that he’d stopped off to buy on the way in one hand, and a bag of popcorn in the other. The fading summer meant the large grey hoodie he wore, needed to be pulled tighter as he stood in the entrance and shivered. He didn’t know why he was here, only that he wanted to see Jeno because he missed him. He pressed the buzzer cautiously. 

There was nothing for a few seconds but then he heard the static on the intercom as Jeno answered. 

“Jeno.” 

“Renjun”, he heard Jeno reply drily through the crackle of the speaker. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“I miss Bongsik”, Renjun spoke and held the cat treats up to the camera. “I think she misses me too”, he said quietly, hearing the small sound of laughter travel down the line, soft and gentle like the rest of Jeno. “I thought maybe we could watch a movie too”, he finished sheepishly as he held the popcorn up. 

“A movie?” 

“Yes.” For a moment there was nothing, just the noise of the static. “If you don’t want to, I can go-“ 

“No”, he heard Jeno sigh. “You can come in.” 

The door clicked as it unlocked and Renjun crossed the corridor to Jeno’s apartment. Jeno appeared in the doorway, his hair was unkempt and he was wearing a plain white t shirt and black jeans. 

“You shouldn’t just invite yourself over, I might be busy”, Jeno began. 

“Are you busy?” 

“No”, Jeno said quietly. “But that’s not the point.” 

At that moment, Bongsik had decided to join Jeno in the doorway, brushing past him towards where Renjun stood. 

“I told you she misses me”, Renjun spoke triumphantly. 

“She just wants your treats”, Jeno pointed to the bag in Renjun’s hand and laughed. 

“Can I come in please?” 

“You’re already in.” 

“Oh… right”, Renjun said and once Bongsik had tired herself out, he passed Jeno into the hallway. “What movie to you want to watch?”, he continued as he walked into the lounge and collapsed on the couch. 

“You choose”, Jeno shouted from the kitchen. 

Renjun started flicking through the channels idly. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Jeno questioned as he appeared in the doorway. 

“Just water, thanks.” 

Jeno reappeared a few minutes later, two glasses in his hands. He set them on the table Renjun’s feet were resting on and sat down next to him. 

“I’ve missed you.” Jeno wasn’t looking at him. 

“Have you?” Renjun opened the popcorn bag. 

“Yeah, I have.” 

“Popcorn?” 

“Huh?” 

“Popcorn?” Renjun held the open bag out to Jeno and the other took a piece. “Shall we start the movie?” He pressed the play button on the remote and they settled down into the distraction of the sound, the movie blaring. He wasn’t really paying attention to it, the noise fading away as he listened to Jeno’s breath so close to his ear. Jeno couldn’t have been paying it much attention either, because he felt eyes on him at intervals as he tried to focus on the screen. 

When it was halfway through, Renjun paused it and got up, taking his empty glass to the kitchen to refill it. Jeno’s legs were stretched out across the table and so he stepped over them carefully. He returned, putting the glass back on the table and climbing over Jeno again. This time, the other’s hand flew out instinctively to steady him as he wobbled before toppling over next to him. 

“Are you okay?” Jeno let go of Renjun’s hand and looked at him worriedly. 

“Yeah”, Renjun laughed and glanced up from his lap, his gaze catching Jeno’s. He could feel himself falling again. 

Jeno leant in and brushed his lips against his, and then everything that had felt wrong to Renjun, was right again. His lips pressed against the corner of Renjun’s mouth gently, it was soft, and Renjun found himself kissing back, connecting with Jeno. There was no fevered frenzy, just lingering warmth as Renjun felt the other smile and lose himself in the feeling. Jeno pulled him close into the crook of his neck. He felt Jeno's cheek rub against his hair as he kissed Renjun's crown lightly, lips trailing to his temple. He brought his hands up to Renjun's face, stroking the skin slowly with his thumb and kissing him there before either of them let it falter. 

They both broke away, like the realisation had hurt them at the same time. Renjun leant back against the leather couch. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“ 

“I’m sorry”, Jeno cut in. “That was my fault. I just want to touch you”, he admitted quietly. “I guess having you so close made it worse.” 

Renjun nodded but didn’t say anything, his mind was still with Jeno’s lips. 

“I know I said we shouldn’t, and I meant that, I want it to mean something”, Jeno finished. “Because if we do, you’re just going to do the same thing you always do.” 

“I can't let myself”, Renjun winced. 

Jeno nodded slowly. “Do you want to keep watching now?” 

Renjun reached for the remote and pressed play, the sound of their heartbeats drowned out by the loudness of the speakers. He didn’t register his exhaustion but again, that warmth, he felt it when his head drooped, and his cheek hit the cotton of Jeno’s shirt. He let his head rest there on Jeno’s shoulder for the remainder of the movie, his eyes slipping shut slowly as he drifted in and out of consciousness. 

\--

When he woke up, he was alone. 

He opened his eyes to the white walls of Jeno’s guest room. Dazed still, he looked down to see he was on the bed but not under the covers, still fully clothed- _thankfully_. Instead, a large blanket was pulled up to the top of his chest. He could see the light through the curtains, and he reached for his phone in his pocket, pressing the home button so the glare of the screen flashed in his face. He squinted and read it. _Eight in the morning._

He remembered vaguely when he had fallen asleep, but not how he got here, so he assumed Jeno must have brought him. His heart felt light at the idea, and he couldn’t help but be pained by his urge to settle next to Jeno in his own bed now. He hated his feelings, how the calculations were ruined, replaced instead by the instincts of his heart. 

He buried his head into the sheets and cried then, overwhelmed. It felt like years since he had cried. Everything about Jeno was beautiful, and that terrified him. The touches, the warmth, the kindness, because of how easily it could be taken away. As quickly as the tears had fallen, he’d wiped them again. He’d already overstayed his welcome. He sat up and folded the blanket neatly, leaving it on the bed, and tossing the cat treats on the table in the kitchen. This time Jeno wasn’t awake, a relief. 

He left without saying goodbye. 

\--

Renjun’s weekend had been miserable after that evening, he couldn’t shake the thoughts of Jeno out of his mind, thoughts of how much he was hurting him. Jeno had texted, asking if he was okay, but he hadn’t had the heart to answer. 

Back at work his stomach was in knots thinking about the man that waited behind the doors. He’d seen Jeno, and they had exchanged an awkward smile before he’d settled down at his desk. Renjun fought his feelings as he drew out the itineraries and new schedules he had been planning. Jeno was kind to him still, and he was polite to Jeno, but he could see the hurt in the other’s eyes even from the distance that separated their desks. 

On his way back from lunch, he’d stopped off at the coffee shop. Coffee always fixed things. Carrying the cups back, the smell drifted past him, the sweetness of the cinnamon mixed with the bitterness of the coffee, his heart dropped to the floor as he was reminded of Jeno. He brought the two cups into the office and boldly placed the latte on Jeno’s desk. 

Jeno was distracted from his thoughts by the coffee. Up close, Renjun could see the hurt in his eyes again, stronger this time. He took the coffee in his hand. “Thank you… that was kind of you.” 

“I haven’t brought you one for a while”, Renjun hesitated, “I thought now might be a good time.” He paused and thought, wanting to make this time last while he still had it. “What are you working on?” 

“Just some financial projections for Doyoung, I’ve got a new client that could bring in a lot of money, so I’ve been focusing on this case all day.” 

“Who’s that then?” 

“The head of some marketing company. They're being sued for copyright, branding issues, and they want us to fight their case. I’ll email it to you so you can take a look too.” 

Renjun nodded as he continued to fix his eyes on Jeno and the way that he smiled as he spoke, the crease of his brow as he concentrated, the small habits that he had picked up on since his time being his personal assistant. He didn’t know whether this was heightened by the attention he paid to Jeno, but he loved watching him anyway. 

“Bongsik really liked those treats you know.” 

The tension seemed to dissolve instantly then when Renjun let out a small, fond laugh. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your messages, I didn’t know what to say”, he confessed suddenly. 

“I was worried about you after you left.” 

“I’m okay.” Renjun hesitated. “I don’t actually remember going to bed.” 

Jeno put the coffee back down on the desk. His hand was right in front of Renjun’s, _right there_. “That’s because I carried you there”, he laughed softly. 

Renjun felt his face flushing, Jeno’s hand was still on the desk, he wanted to take it. 

“Oh.” 

Jeno laughed again and his hair fell across his forehead, it was unbearable. He wanted to run his fingers through it and push it out of his face. 

“I’m sorry for falling asleep”, Renjun apologised sheepishly. 

“It’s fine really, you must have been exhausted.” 

“Yeah.” 

Jeno glanced up at the clock. “I better get on with this, Doyoung's waiting for it.” 

Renjun returned to his own desk, pulling the chair out and slouching down in it as he powered his laptop on and pressed the tab that opened his emails. A new message from Jeno appeared in his inbox. He pressed it lazily and scanned over the contents until his eyes stopped on a name, the potential client. 

He felt sick, the bile rising in his throat as he checked the words again to make sure he hadn’t read them wrong. His instincts were telling him to run but he was glued to the chair at his desk. 

He shut the tab. 

He couldn’t look at it. 

The nausea rose from his stomach and turned to heat on his cheeks. _Breathe_ , he reminded himself, but his mind was racing as he stared at his home screen. 

“Renjun.” 

He didn’t register the sound. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jeno was standing at his desk, face crumpled into lines of worry. He glanced at him. 

“Are you okay?”, Jeno repeated. 

“Uh… yeah… thanks.” Renjun snapped out of his trance and shook his head softly. 

“I’m going out for lunch with Doyoung, do you need me to grab anything for you while I’m out?”, Jeno said as he pulled his jacket on. 

“No, I’m good thanks.” Renjun shook his head again. “Jeno that client, have you met him yet?” 

“Dong Sicheng?” Jeno shook his head. “Not yet, he’s based the other side of the city but he's got business around here this weekend so he asked if we could see him on Monday. I was wondering if you’d sit in on it and take notes about the main points of the case?” 

“I…”, Renjun stopped himself. He’d let Jeno down enough. “Okay”, he said but he still felt sick. It made sense; Sicheng was the head of marketing in one of the top companies in Seoul, of course he would want the best law firm here too. He hadn't thought about this, how probable it was their paths would collide in some way now that he worked in the industry too, and for a moment he regretted everything. Then he looked at Jeno, whose face was softening as he looked at Renjun worriedly, and the regret seeped away slightly. 

“Great, thanks, I’ll head off now.” Jeno reached for the handle of the door but turned around again, hesitating. “Do you have any plans this weekend?” He didn’t wait for Renjun’s reply before he continued hastily. “I was going to pick up some bits for Bongsik and I was wondering if you wanted to join?” 

The fear drained from him for long enough for Renjun to process the question. All he knew was that he just wanted to be close to Jeno. 

“I’d love to”, he blurted out. 

\--

The week rolled by uneventfully as Renjun tried to fight the fear of Sicheng. 

On Saturday morning Jeno had picked him up from his apartment and they’d driven to the pet store. Renjun saw the sign, it had been years since he’d been to anywhere like this, they’d had a dog when he was younger but he wasn’t allowed pets at his apartment now. Renjun watched the large green sign of the entrance as it came into view. They walked up to it, the automatic doors sliding open noisily. 

“What do you need to get?”, Renjun said as he picked up a basket from the stack by the entrance. 

“Food, treats, a flea collar, just a lot of the basic things.” Jeno counted each one out on his fingers subconsciously. “That way first.” he pointed in the direction of one of the aisles to the right and Renjun followed with the empty basket in his hand, watching as the shelves of toys, beds and blankets blurred past him. “Two of those”, he heard Jeno say under his breath as he stopped and picked up tins of cat food. “Three of those”, he added and dropped bags of dry food into the basket. Renjun struggled slightly as he felt it get heavier but kept up. 

Five minutes of cat food buying later, Jeno had reached for the basket in Renjun’s hand and taken it with ease. Renjun wandered off to the next aisle, the top of Jeno’s head still visible behind the shelves. 

“What are you doing?”, Jeno called. 

“Just looking.” 

Five minutes after that, Renjun came back, this time with an armful of toys. 

“What is all that?” 

“For Bongsik”, Renjun declared as he dumped the toys in the basket. Jeno peered inside it with a frown. “I’ll buy them”, he added in a small voice. 

“No, it’s fine”, Jeno sighed. “I’m sure she'll love them. Can you grab another one of those?” He pointed to the packets on the shelf next to Renjun. 

“Those are the ones that I got for her”, Renjun stated proudly and Jeno nodded. He took one and placed it in the basket which was almost overflowing at this point. 

Once they’d paid, Renjun carried both the bags of items out to the car so that Jeno could unlock it. 

“I wasn’t planning on it being that much”, Jeno said as the car doors clicked open. 

“You know she’ll thank you for it later”, Renjun teased as he placed the bags in the foot well of the car, climbing into the passenger seat after that. 

“I’m sure she will”, Jeno sighed. “Shall we grab lunch before I take you back?” He sounded slightly cautious as he leant against the seat of the car. 

“Sounds good to me”, Renjun replied. 

“Anywhere you want to go?” 

“You choose”, Renjun smiled. 

“If we head into the centre of town, I’m sure we’ll find something there.” 

Jeno started the car and then they were driving again. It felt comfortable being with Jeno, he knew he could be himself. They stopped in a parking space on a street in the centre of town. The buildings here were tall and even today the sidewalks were busy with crowds of people. 

"They’ll be somewhere along here”, Jeno assured, shutting the car door gently. Renjun followed his action and then the two stood on the pavement. 

“That way?”, Renjun questioned. 

“Yep.” Jeno looked at his phone. “The map says there's restaurants along here. I never trust directions on this thing though.” 

That was when he saw _him_. 

For the first time in three years, he saw Dong Sicheng. 

The man was in the distance at first, but he was growing closer. The sound of Jeno’s voice as it rambled aimlessly, the sound he loved, had been drowned out by his own panic as his past came closer. He looked different now, the decadence of university life replaced by expensive branded clothing and professional neatness. 

Renjun stared at the floor, the feeling of sickness returning. 

“This one’s got four stars, maybe we could try it?” 

He could hear Jeno, but he couldn’t respond. He peered up from the pavement. Sicheng was closer now and this time he was looking at him. Jeno was distracted scrolling on his phone, rambling about a subject Renjun wasn’t listening to. Without thinking, he reached for the other’s hand. Explanations could wait, but in that moment he felt the warmth encircle him. 

“We could- “, Jeno stopped at the touch. “Go to this one?”, he finished slowly, trying his best not to make a big deal out of it. 

Renjun felt nauseous still, and so he gripped Jeno’s hand tighter, eyes unable to leave Sicheng. He watched as the man’s attention was focused to the hand he held and then back up to Renjun’s face. 

Then he was gone, and the deafening silence of his own thoughts was interrupted by Jeno’s voice again. 

“Renjun?” 

He felt himself being pulled in another direction. 

“Are you okay with that?” 

He nodded and they entered the restaurant, the warmth hitting his cheeks. It snapped him out of his trance as he let go of Jeno’s hand, attempting to smile at him. His mind was still with the scene outside though. 

“Table for two?”, the waiter called. 

“Yes please”, Jeno affirmed and the woman directed them to a table near the window. “Thank you”, he continued when Renjun didn’t speak and she placed the menus next to them. 

Renjun picked one of them up and started flicking through it blankly, pretending to study each word carefully so that he was not forced to make eye contact with Jeno. 

“Renjun.” 

Renjun looked up then, Jeno’s lips were pursed. 

“You just held my hand”, Jeno said slowly. 

“I did.” 

“Why?” 

“I’m sorry”, Renjun rushed, he really hadn’t meant to do that, it had been an instinct. 

“You don’t need to apologise, but I don’t understand.” 

“It just happened”, Renjun replied and buried his head in the menu again. He was afraid he had pushed things too far, that Jeno would walk away. 

“I’m _never_ going to understand you Renjun, but I’ve got you for the next couple of hours so let’s just enjoy it.” 

Renjun smiled, he could still feel the turns of his stomach and his legs were shaking, but he was with Jeno. They were just Renjun and Jeno and in that moment he wanted nothing more than just Renjun and Jeno. He’d distracted himself with conversation, although a little quieter than usual. He’d picked at his food too, barely eating half of it, and he was sure Jeno had noticed. 

Afterwards, Jeno dropped him back at his apartment. He didn’t know what to do with himself when he’d opened the car door, he knew he wanted to call for Jeno, for him to come in, because he definitely didn’t want to be alone right now. If he did though, he wouldn’t be able to hold his pain in any longer. 

“See you on Monday”, he said instead. 

“Goodnight”, Jeno replied and when the car engine started Renjun watched him drive away. 

The rest of the evening had been dull, the meeting on Monday overshadowing it, he’d decide what to do tomorrow. Tonight, he’d reserved his thoughts for Jeno, and as he flicked on the TV, his mind was full of Jeno, as he climbed into the coldness of his own bed, his heart was full of Jeno. 

The home screen of his phone flashed brightly as he laid down. He sat up, there was a new message. 

_Bongsik says thank you : )_

_I miss you_ \- He typed the reply but quickly deleted it. 

_Tell her I miss her_

He read the message and smiled as he hit send. 

\--

The weekend passed by quickly as Renjun filled it with fears of Monday. 

The infinite possibilities had run through his head, go in for the morning, take the afternoon off sick, don’t go in at all, but he didn’t want to let Jeno down. 

In the end he found himself standing in that meeting room, the two people that had ever made him feel something either side of him. When Sicheng had seen him, his expression changed from shock to a false smile. 

“Is this your personal assistant?”, Sicheng directed the question at Jeno. 

“Yes”, Jeno said. “This is Renjun, he’ll be taking notes at the meeting.” 

Renjun was sure the weakness in his legs would overcome him soon but for now he stood in front of his fear and smiled. 

“Nice to see you again Renjun.” Sicheng was speaking to him this time. 

“You two know each other?” Jeno asked, obviously shocked. 

“It was a long time ago, we were at school together.” 

“Sicheng.” 

“What a coincidence”, Jeno mused. 

“You look different.” Sicheng directed the statement at Renjun. 

“New me”, Renjun replied bluntly. 

“Anyway, tell me about the services you would be wanting from us.” Jeno filled the awkward silence and gestured the three of them to the table where chairs had already been laid out. 

Renjun listened as Sicheng explained the case to Jeno, trying his best to take notes. Sicheng put his elbows on the desk as he talked casually, resting his chin on his palm. He remembered when those hands were around his waist, when the touches on his hips were gentle. Then he remembered the hurtful comments that had left those lips as each word echoed through the small meeting room. Sicheng was obviously doing well, dressed in a business suit with his hair pushed back neatly. He was still attractive, of course he was, but now the lines of cruelty in his face seemed nothing compared to the one’s of kindness in Jeno’s. 

He was brought out of his daydream by the sound of Jeno typing on his laptop. 

“I’ll print the service catalogue for you so you can see what we have to offer.” 

Jeno was getting up. 

“Right, thank you”, Sicheng replied. 

Jeno’s hand was on the door. “I won’t be a minute.” 

Jeno was gone. 

He glanced at Sicheng and for a moment he thought they would be able to sit this one out. He was wrong. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I work here", Renjun hissed. 

"Last time I heard you were delivering pizzas." 

"I might have had your job by now if _you_ hadn't made me fail my degree", Renjun shot back. 

"I didn't _make_ you fail your degree Renjun." 

"Well you sure didn't help me pass it." 

"He's your boss?", Sicheng motioned to the door Jeno had just walked out of. "Are you dating him?" 

“It’s none of your business”, Renjun said angrily. 

“You were holding hands when I saw you in the street.” 

“Are you still dating the man you left me for?” Renjun could feel the prick of tears in his eyes but he blinked them back. The worst thing he could do right now, would be crying in front of Sicheng. 

“Come on, that was a long time ago.” 

“It was three years ago Sicheng. Are you?” He was trying to stay strong, if he could just hold out until Jeno got back, then it would be okay. 

“Yes”, Sicheng sighed. 

“I hope you’re happy”, Renjun bit back. 

“Don’t be so bitter.” 

“I let you ruin my life and you think we can be friends? I’m not a clueless teenager anymore, you can’t manipulate me. I never wanted to see you again, I never _want_ to see you again.” He paused as he calmed himself down. “I’m a lot wiser now, at least you left me with that”, he mumbled. 

They were quiet again as the door opened and Jeno came in holding papers, Sicheng’s scowl transforming into a smile. 

“You two been catching up?”, Jeno laughed softly as he sat back down next to Renjun. He felt the relief flood through him at this and he glared at Sicheng again. 

“Something like that”, Renjun seethed through gritted teeth. 

“Here’s our catalogue”, Jeno handed it to Sicheng. “If you ring me once you’ve decided what service you’re interested in and then I can pass you onto our commercial director.” 

“Thank you for your time”, Sicheng began. “It was nice to see you again Renjun”, he said and for a second he thought he saw a hint of remorse cross Sicheng’s face. I’ll get back to you when we’re ready to sign those contracts.” 

Then, Renjun waited for him to walk away, the office door shutting softly. He let out the breath he felt like he had been holding the entire day. 

“You look exhausted Renjun, are you okay?” 

“Can I stay at yours tonight?” This time Renjun really couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. 

“You’re not okay, what happened?” 

“Please Jeno.” 

“Of course you can, yes. Guest room right?” 

“What? Oh, yes”, Renjun said quietly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologising for everything, come on, we can leave now”, Jeno walked to the door and gestured for Renjun to follow him. 

The car journey was quiet as Renjun bit back his tears. He knew Jeno could sense something was wrong. When they got to Jeno’s apartment, Jeno pushed the door shut gently. Renjun took a few steps forward, the tears still in his eyes. 

“Will you tell me what’s wrong now?”, Jeno asked calmly. 

Renjun felt himself trembling and the tears that were welling in his eyes began to fall as he cried. He brought the sleeves of his shirt up to try and wipe them away, but the silent cries soon turned into loud sobs. Then the warmth was back and the smell of the summer’s evening as Jeno held him close in the middle of the hallway. They didn’t say anything, Renjun whimpering into Jeno’s shoulder as he held the back of his head against the crook of his neck. 

“Whatever it is, it’s okay, you can tell me, or don’t, it’s up to you”, Jeno whispered. “But I’ll be here if you need it.” 

Renjun still didn’t say anything but sniffed as he lifted his head from Jeno’s shoulder, taking his hand wordlessly without frenzy or panic. There was no excuse he could give, it just felt right, made his heart flutter so wildly. He pulled Jeno to the lounge softly and the two sat on the couch, so impossibly close to each other as Renjun faced Jeno, tears still rolling down his cheeks. He’d never cried in front of anyone but Sicheng before. 

“Do you remember when I told you I make bad decisions?” 

Jeno nodded slowly. 

“Dong Sicheng, he was the worst decision I ever made.” Jeno frowned but squeezed Renjun’s hand gently as a sign for him to continue. “He took everything from me, parts of me I don’t think I will ever get back. He’s the reason I cant be with you.” He felt another tear slide down his face but Jeno wiped it away with the pad of his thumb before it could fall to the floor. 

“I don’t understand.” 

For once in his life, Renjun was honest with not only Jeno, but with himself as he told the truth, the heartbreak and the torment and the cheating. He let himself tell Jeno everything. 

“Relationships don’t work, they’re just painful. People just want to hurt each other", Renjun sighed, his tears having stopped by now. He had laid his head on Jeno’s chest and the other responded naturally, stroking his hair softly. 

“Not everyone's like that”, Jeno murmured. 

Renjun smiled as the other paused his gentle strokes. “When I took your hand outside the restaurant at the weekend, it was because of him. He walked past us, and I needed something safe, so I took your hand.” Jeno nodded. 

“Renjun?” 

“Yeah.” 

“I wish you’d told me sooner.” Jeno sighed and shifted, his fingers still carding through Renjun's blond hair. 

“I didn’t want to let you down, I thought the case was important to you.” 

“He’s not going near you again.” Jeno's teeth gritted. 

“You don’t have to do that Jeno.” 

“I’ll drop the case in the morning, for now I want to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m fine, really”, Renjun insisted. 

They looked at each other then. If they had been anything else, if Renjun had been Jeno’s, he was sure the other would have taken him in his arms and held him, kissed him, made him forget all the troubles of his past. They weren’t anything though, and so they stayed still on the couch, Jeno settling for the light strokes he was giving Renjun’s hair. 

“I’ll go to bed now”, Renjun sighed. 

“Okay. We can stop by yours in the morning so you can change.” 

Renjun inclined and stood up. “Thank you, Jeno”, he hesitated, “for everything.” 

He walked away to the guest room. 

\--

Jeno made breakfast in the morning. Renjun had showered afterwards, and when he came back, his hair was still wet as he pulled the towel off it and placed it in the pile of laundry in the bathroom. He stopped in the hallway when he heard Jeno’s voice, the other sat at the table, phone at his ear as he hummed quietly. 

“Can you pass on to Doyoung that I won't be taking that case any further?” 

There were a few more hums of agreement and then he saw the phone being slammed on the table. He walked up to Jeno silently and slid his arms around his waist from behind, head resting on his shoulder as he hugged him. He had so much to thank him for. 

With that, Sicheng was out of his life almost as quickly as he had re-entered. 

\--

The Friday after that, Jaemin invited him for drinks after work. 

“Please.” 

Jeno shook his head. 

“Jeno”, Renjun whined. “Just stay for one drink.” 

“Nope.” 

“One”, Renjun pouted. “One drink.” 

“Fine”, Jeno sighed. “One drink.” 

“Hah!”, Renjun exclaimed as he packed up his things. 

“I’ll come down later, I’ve got some stuff to finish off first.” 

“See you in a bit”, Renjun said excitedly. 

“Yes, see you”, Jeno groaned. 

Half an hour later, Renjun met up with Jaemin and the two went inside, standing by the bar as Jaemin leant one arm against the counter. By the time he had started his third drink, he could feel the alcohol taking effect. The conversation soon turned, and it was all down hill from there. 

“Jeno is really good at his job Jaemin. He’s really nice, and I don’t mean the nice we said he was before, he’s _really_ nice.” 

“That came out of nowhere”, Jaemin laughed as he swayed. 

“I need to tell you something”, Renjun implored in a hushed voice and leant in closer to Jaemin. “Jeno is really, _really_ hot”, he whispered, throwing his head back and laughing loudly, earning a few questioning glances from the people at the table closest to them. 

“You think so? He’s good looking I guess, but I’ve never thought about it before.” Jaemin paused, thinking what to say next. “So, you would then?” 

Renjun didn’t say anything, the silence speaking louder than words ever could. 

“You have, haven’t you?”, Jaemin exclaimed, shouting loudly in his drunken state. 

“Shhhh”, Renjun brought a finger up to his lips quickly. “Don’t say anything to anyone”, he slurred. He raised his hand, three fingers. “Three times”, he giggled. 

“That’s your boss Renjun.” 

“I know.” 

“I won’t say anything”, Jaemin laughed. “But _three_ times?” 

Renjun nodded and bit his bottom lip. 

“Was it good?” 

“The best”, Renjun sighed. “He’s not boring at all.” 

“So are you two”, Jaemin’s hands came up and joined together. “A thing?”, he finished. 

“No”, Renjun pouted. “Well actually, I don’t know, I really like him.” 

“Why don’t you ask him out then?” 

“It’s complicated.” Renjun took another sip of his drink. 

“Well yeah, he’s your boss.” 

“It’s more complicated than that. Actually, on the first day, we’d already-“ 

“Hi Jeno”, Jaemin spoke loudly and Renjun instantly stopped talking as his head snapped round to see Jeno walking through the door. 

“Renjun’s been telling me a lot about you, what a _great_ boss you are.” 

“Has he?”, Jeno glanced at Renjun who was swaying where he stood, but the smaller just beamed at him. 

“Yeah”, Jaemin accentuated the word as he threw an arm around Jeno’s shoulder. “Seems like you two are getting on great”, he chuckled. “Anyway, my boss is over there, so I’m going to head over and socialise, I’ll see you both in a bit”, he laughed and removed his touch, sauntering off to the other side of the room. Renjun didn’t miss the way he turned back and gave him a short wink before continuing. 

“Do you want a drink?”, Renjun said with a laugh. 

“I think I’ll just have a coke. I’ll drive you home afterwards. What do you want? I can get it.” 

“The same as you”, Renjun grinned. 

“You want a coke?” 

“Yep”, Renjun nodded. “With vodka please.” He heard Jeno chuckle. 

“There’s a free table over there, shall we sit down?” Renjun nodded and stumbled to where Jeno had pointed, intoxicated. He watched Jeno walk up to the bar and order their drinks, distracted by the movements of his hips and the broadness of his shoulders. He imagined his own hands on them, and how long it had been since he had held him like that. He wanted it back. 

Jeno returned and placed a glass in front of Renjun, sitting in the chair opposite him. 

“So”, Jeno started. “What did I miss?” 

“I really was just telling Jaemin how great you are”, Renjun stammered as he sipped his drink. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” He sipped again. 

“You think I’m great?” 

“Yes, I think you’re more than great. I think you’re _perfect_ ”, Renjun stated. 

“Renjun, how much have you had to drink?” 

“I am _not_ drunk.” 

Jeno smiled at him. 

“I really like the way your lips curl up like that when you smile”, Renjun giggled as he pointed at Jeno’s mouth but the other batted his hand away softly. 

“You’re definitely drunk.” 

“You should take the compliment, you’re a very attractive man Jeno”, Renjun murmured. “I thought that the first time I saw you, and I told myself, someone that attractive is definitely going to be full of themselves, but you”, he stopped, “are really amazing Jeno, and I really like spending time with you.” He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see a smiling Jaemin leaning over him. 

“Are you two coming to the club afterwards? We’re moving on soon.” 

“I don’t want to sound boring, but I’d quite like to get home", Jeno groaned. 

“I don’t think you’re boring”, Renjun shouted. 

“He doesn’t think you’re boring”, Jaemin chuckled. 

“Well, I think I’ll go home after this drink then.” 

“Me too”, Renjun cut in. 

“Right, see you later then”, Jaemin laughed and then he was gone again. 

“You can stay out if you want you know.” Jeno turned to Renjun. 

“Tired”, Renjun shook his head. “I want to go where you’re going”, he said through the muffling of the glass against his lips as he drank the last of the vodka. 

“Okay, I’ll take you home then.” 

“Don’t want to go home.” Renjun shook his head. 

“You just said you didn’t want to stay out.” 

“I want to see Bongsik”, Renjun spoke quietly and Jeno understood. 

“Come on then”, he sighed and Renjun followed him outside to the cold evening air. The streets were busy with crowds of night life but Jeno guided Renjun through them to where his car was parked. He helped him in and fastened the seat belt for him when Renjun had failed to do so three times. 

After that, Renjun had fallen asleep for the journey, only waking up when they got back to Jeno’s apartment. Again, Jeno had guided him up the steps to the door, stopping as he fumbled in his pocket for his keys. 

“Watch where you’re treading”, he murmured as he held the door open for Renjun. 

“Bongsik!”, Renjun exclaimed and reached down to the cat rubbing at his ankles. He stood after that, walking clumsily in the direction of Jeno’s bedroom. 

“Renjun, the guest room is the other way.” 

“I know that”, Renjun mumbled and Jeno followed him. He opened the door, took a few steps and then flopped face down onto Jeno’s bed, sighing loudly. “I want to sleep here, it’s comfy”, he mumbled into the sheets. 

“I’m going to get changed”, Jeno said and took a pair of pyjamas into the ensuite bathroom and locked the door. Renjun sat up then, dizzy, but pulled his pants off quickly as he fell back onto the bed in his efforts. 

When Jeno unlocked the door, Renjun only had his shirt and underwear on . He walked over to the drawer and pulled out another pair of pyjamas, taking them back to Renjun and pointing in the direction of the bathroom. Renjun changed hastily and came back into the room, climbing under the sheets of Jeno’s bed. 

“Jeno“, he gestured the man towards him. 

“I’ll go in the other room”, Jeno protested but Renjun grabbed, pulling him so he fell onto the bed. “I guess not”, he murmured and climbed in next to Renjun. 

“This is nice”, Renjun stated and moved Jeno’s hand so it rested on his waist. 

They fell asleep like that. 

\--

Even before he’d opened his eyes, Renjun knew exactly where he was. 

From the softness of the sheet, to the scent around him, he knew he was in Jeno’s bed. He didn’t know how exactly he had got there, just that he was where he was. His head was pounding, and he could hardly open his eyes, only struck by the feeling of Jeno’s arm on his waist. 

_Jeno’s arm was on his waist._

His eyes shot open then as he viewed the figure asleep in the bed next to him. 

“Jeno”, Renjun tried once but he didn't stir. He poked him lightly on the shoulder. “Jeno”, he called again and this time he saw Jeno’s eyelashes fluttering against his face as he groaned. 

“Renjun.” Jeno lifted himself up onto his elbows and smiled. Renjun scowled at him. 

“Why am I in your bed?” He could still feel the nausea as it struck through him and so he guessed the reason must have had something to do with the alcohol. 

“You made it quite clear that you weren’t going to sleep anywhere else”, Jeno chuckled. 

“I did?” 

“You don’t remember do you?”, Jeno frowned as Renjun tried to think. 

“Oh my god”, Renjun mumbled under his breath. “Did we have sex?” 

Jeno pulled the duvet off both of them then. “We’re fully clothed, no, we didn’t have sex”, Jeno laughed. 

“Oh”, Renjun said quietly as he slumped back down onto the bed. 

“How many drinks did you have before I arrived?”, Jeno asked suspiciously. 

“Not that many”, Renjun whined but paused. “I think Jaemin might have slipped me some doubles”, he muttered, knowing that he was usually aware of his limit and the alcohol intake last night should not have been it. 

“Hmm”, Jeno laughed softly as he raised an eyebrow. “Do you remember any of what you said last night?” 

Renjun shook his head. “I remember you arriving, but not a lot after that.” 

“You seemed to think that I was, what were the words again?”, Jeno teased. “Great, amazing, _perfect._ ” 

Renjun buried his head in the pillow. “What else did I do?” 

“Nothing too bad don’t worry.” Jeno sat up on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor now. “You just insisted on coming home with me, kept saying you missed Bongsik.” Renjun was sure Jeno could see his cheeks searing with embarrassment. “Shall I make some coffee for you while you have a shower and get yourself together?”, Jeno asked then. 

“Yes please.” Renjun threw his head back down into the pillow and groaned. 

He’d just made things a whole lot more complicated than they already were. 

\--

It was one week later that Doyoung introduced Park Myunghee to them both. 

The woman that walked into Jeno’s office was glamorous, with an air of sophistication about her, hair tied into a neat bun and pale pink lipstick smoothed across her lips. She smiled as she walked in next to Doyoung. 

“Jeno”, Doyoung called, Jeno’s head rising instantly from his desk and smiling at the two stood in the doorway. 

“This is Park Myunghee, our business development director.” The woman bowed politely. “She’ll be spending time with people in key roles here to analyse the business structure of our Seoul branch for research. We’re looking to expand into new markets in other countries.” 

Jeno stood up from his desk, smiling politely as he made his way over to where the two were, Renjun watching from the corner of the room. 

“Welcome.” Jeno held out his hand and the woman took it and shook it formally. 

“Nice to meet you”, she said,“I’m very excited to find out more about this wonderful company.” 

“She’s just joined us so she needs to understand about what we do here and how it can be replicated. She’s going to have to spend some time with you over the next week if that’s okay”, Doyoung cut in. 

“Of course,”, Jeno smiled. 

“Thank you”, the woman, Myunghee, spoke, her voice soft and gentle, much like Jeno’s was. 

Doyoung turned to him then. “Renjun, could you block out some time in Jeno’s calendar for him to meet with Miss Park please.” 

“Of course, I’ll work it in for him”, Renjun nodded, but then Myunghee was speaking again, this time it was directed at him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name”, she held out her hand and Renjun took it. 

“Renjun”, he answered. “I’m Jeno’s personal assistant.” 

“So, you’re the one that’s really in charge then”, she joked and Renjun laughed softly. “No doubt I’ll be speaking to you a lot over the week too.” 

“I’m sure”, Renjun said politely. 

She straightened her back again. “It was nice to meet both of you, I look forward to spending more time here.” 

That was the first time they had met, but not the last and Renjun watched as she disappeared out of the door with Doyoung. 

“She seems nice”, Renjun mused. 

Jeno nodded his head dismissively. 

\--

The meetings were a regular occurrence as the week continued. The last one on Friday was different to the rest though. 

Renjun looked across the round table at Myunghee opposite him. He and Jeno were with her in one of the small meeting rooms just along the corridor from their office. He’d brought his laptop but hoped he wouldn’t have to take notes, this was meant to be for her to get to know how Jeno ran the sales division of the business. Hopefully she would be the one making the notes instead. 

“So Jeno, your acquisition of new clients is impressive, you’re certainly keeping the legal services team busy with all the business you’re bringing in, what’s your secret?” she questioned. 

Jeno paused for a moment before delivering a perfectly polished response. “Never ignore a lead, and deliver on your promises,” he stated confidently. “And to be honest,” his tone softened slightly, “Renjun has done a lot of the hard work finding prospects recently. He’s also taken on some of the after sales work with a few clients, it left me free to chase after the big wins.” 

“You sound like quite a team,” she smiled and directed her attention to Renjun, “Please tell me more about your client work.” 

He found that he quite liked Park Myunghee. She was intimidating in the way that she was clearly an exceptional business woman but she seemed genuinely interested in everything he had to say. She nodded encouragement as he spoke and acknowledged his statements. Jeno seemed just as taken with her and hung on her every word. He laughed indulgently when she made an amusing comment and Renjun couldn’t help wondering if they were actually flirting with each other. He pushed the thought out of his mind but then found himself glancing at her hands, devoid of any wedding band. Now he was annoyed with himself for having such irrational thoughts. Jeno was not his. He didn’t do commitment. Jeno was free to laugh at whoever’s jokes he chose to. 

The meeting continued for most of the afternoon, giving Renjun the opportunity to talk more about his work and demonstrate the figures for repeat client business that he had generated. 

“I need to tell you all about Acritax,” Jeno directed at Myunghee, leaning forward and tapping his pen on the table in a decisive manner. 

“I would love to hear that,” she smiled back, “it’s late though and I don’t know about you but I could do with a change of scenery, this room is getting a bit stuffy,” she said, fanning her face delicately with her hand. “Could we continue this over dinner, Jeno?” Renjun looked up sharply. “Oh, we won’t be needing you Renjun, I’d like to focus on the large client wins with Jeno. Thank you for your time this afternoon though, it’s been very useful. I’ll catch up with you later in the week if that’s okay? So, where’s good to eat around here?” She scanned over Jeno again who was unusually quiet. 

“Er - I just need to have a quick word with Renjun before we go.” 

“No problem, I’ll grab my coat and meet you in the lobby in ten.” 

With that, she left the two of them alone. 

“She seemed really interested in you,” Jeno tried, “I think you really impressed her.” 

“I’m not the one she just asked out for dinner.” 

“Yeah that,” Jeno frowned and ran his hand through his hair awkwardly. “Could you do me a favour and drop by my place? I’ll pay for the taxi, and to get you home afterwards. I forgot to leave food out for Bongsik this morning and she’ll be starving by now. You can help yourself to anything you want in the fridge if you’re hungry." 

“Sure,” Renjun shrugged. “It’ll be good to see Bongshik. Give me your keys then.” 

“Thanks, I’ve got a spare set in my desk drawer.” 

“How long will you be?” Renjun asked cautiously. 

“I don’t know, depends how much she wants to talk, I guess. I don’t want to go but this is our last meeting and the work's still not finished.” 

“Right. I’ll see you later. You’d better go, she’ll be waiting.” Renjun tried not to let his frustration manifest in his voice but he knew he wasn’t convincing. 

“It’s just work, Renjun,” Jeno said softly. 

“I know.” 

Every rational part in him knew that it would just be a meal, nothing more. That part knew how nice Myunghee was, how dedicated she was to her job, that she was the sort of person that would want to finish it off once she got going. Still, it hurt to see the two walk away. 

So, he walked away too, took a taxi to Jeno’s apartment, all the time clutching onto the door key. 

\--

There was a stillness in Jeno’s apartment that he was not at all used to. The only thing that changed that was the gentle purrs Bongsik was emitting by his feet as she crowded him at the doorway. He shut the door quickly and hung the keys on the hook that Jeno always put them on, smiling down at the cat who had begun to circle the expanse of the kitchen. 

The journey had allowed him to clear his thoughts, and by the time he’d got here, he’d decided that he was over it, he wouldn’t think much more about the situation. With that new found calmness, he walked over to the fridge and pulled the large white door open. He knew where Bongsik’s food was stored, he’d watched Jeno spoon it into one of her feeding dishes before, so he knew what to do. He did the same and put it out for her and once she seemed content, moved on to making dinner for himself. There was some leftover tteokbokki on one of the shelves and he pulled it out, deciding it would do. Before he placed it to be heated though, he took his phone, scrolling down to Jeno on the list of contacts and clicking on the icon. It was a photo he’d taken of Bongsik sitting on top of a sleeping Jeno’s lap. He smiled down at it before shaking his head and pressing on the tab to create a new message. 

_Bongsik is fine by the way._

He hit send and shoved his cell phone back into his pocket. 

Once he’d eaten, Bongsik nudged at his feet again. 

“Where are all your toys?”, he cooed and looked around. “Where’s he hidden them?” His eyes focused on the basket across the room. “Got them”, he said and jumped down from the table to rummage around in the box. He emptied it in the end, taking one of her toys, a furry mouse on a string and waving it in front of her face. She tried to catch it valiantly and each time Renjun pulled it away she batted at the air. He let her grab it eventually, the cat proud with her winnings as he laughed softly. 

He checked his phone again, there was no reply on it. He typed another message quickly as he felt himself beginning to worry. 

_Are you okay?_

He sent it, deciding he’d wait until Jeno replied to leave. He walked into the lounge, Bongsik following him as he sat on the couch and she climbed onto his lap and curled up there. 

When there was still no reply, he flicked the TV on to try and distract himself from his fear, not focusing on any of the channels. He thought about Jeno, and he thought about Myunghee, and he couldn’t help but let his mind indulge itself in its own insecurities. That she had everything he didn’t, the job and the success, all of what Jeno had too. 

Jeno wasn’t his though, he knew that. 

His mind flashed back to nights alone waiting for Sicheng to come home from god knows where, but this was Jeno. Jeno hadn’t done anything to hurt him before, he’d almost let him in. He checked his phone again, there were still no messages. Restless, he found it difficult to focus on anything apart from the tightening pain in his heart as he thought harder. 

Forty-five minutes later, his phone flashed and Jeno’s number appeared in the notifications. 

_I’m sorry she wouldn’t stop talking! Did you get home okay? I’m heading back to mine : )_

Renjun sat back against the leather of the couch, too numb to do anything as he stared at the message on his phone. 

By the time Jeno walked through the door, Renjun’s thoughts had worked him up into a frenzy. He heard the click of the lock and the sound of Jeno hanging the spare set of keys up. He stood, meeting the other in the hallway. 

“Renjun”, Jeno jumped. 

“Where were you?”, Renjun said quietly. 

“You know where I was, what are you doing here?” 

“You asked me to come”, Renjun cried indignantly. 

“I did”, Jeno paused. “I thought you would go back to your apartment once you were done.” 

“I was worried about you.” Renjun stepped closer, he could see the frown on Jeno’s face. “You weren’t answering any of my messages.” 

“My phone was in my pocket Renjun, it would've been rude if I’d just taken it out.” This was the first time Renjun had seen Jeno’s usual calm state crumble, the first time he’d seen a crack in it. “Why were you worried?”, he snapped. 

“I don’t know it’s just…“ 

“It was a business dinner”, Jeno cut in sharply. “What the hell do you think happened?” 

“I don’t know”, Renjun shouted, his eyes welling with tears. "You were gone so long, how long does it take to have dinner?" 

"We had a lot to talk about. Why are you being like that Renjun?", Jeno shot back. Renjun was taken aback that Jeno had raised his voice, it was the only time he'd heard him anything but kind and gentle, but he knew he couldn't let this one go. 

“Look at her Jeno! She’s everything that I’m not, successful and rich and attractive. How could you not like her?“ Renjun could feel his anxiety turning to anger inside him. 

"How can you even think that?", Jeno interjected, palms raised as if laying out the truth for Renjun. He was still blinded though. “Nothing happened! You’re the one that told me we couldn’t be in a relationship, so why are you behaving like we are? For god’s sake Renjun, I like _you_ , you know I do. Do you know how much it pains me that we aren’t together, that I’m so close to you but I feel so far away? I care about you but all you ever do is push me away.”, Jeno was shouting too now as he matched the fire in Renjun’s voice. “I know you have trust issues, I _know_ that”, Jeno looked pained. “But that doesn’t mean you can just accuse me of something like that.” 

Renjun stepped closer, face near Jeno’s now and he could see that his eyes burned with the same passion and flame that his own did. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted anyone, I shouldn’t have trusted you. I was never meant to see you again after that first night, but I did, and I started to let you in”, he spat, Jeno’s words having hardly registered. 

“When have I ever done anything to make you not trust me? When have I treated you badly? You’re the one calling the shots here. You know how much I want you, you let me in and then you throw me away again every time.” 

Renjun went quiet then, eyes searching Jeno’s face. He thought it amazing, the capacity that it had to change, and how often it did, each of Jeno’s expressions conveying his heart. Right now, it showed agony. 

“I’m so scared of getting hurt.” Renjun's voice still had fire in it, but the flame was slowly dying, burning to the ground and settling in the embers, softer but still passionate. He was already close to Jeno, yet somehow he found a way to step closer then. “You were right, I am a coward”, he confessed. 

The silence that followed and the void in it was filled only by the sound of their breathing, the hurt and the want and all the building of emotion entangling into one shared glance as their eyes focused on each other. Renjun didn’t move, he was waiting for Jeno. 

Then Jeno’s hand shot up to the back of his neck and brought his face closer so their lips touched in a fleeting encounter, but he filled the space the rest of the way. Jeno pressed his lips against Renjun’s with no mercy, the smaller letting his eyes fall shut until Jeno drew back sharply. 

“You are such hard work.” Jeno kissed him roughly once. “But I can’t pull myself away”, his lips lingered over Renjun’s parted ones. “I keep coming back for more”, he whispered and kissed him harder. Renjun tugged the back of Jeno’s white shirt, twisted it between his fingers as he took his anger out on the fabric. They maintained the kiss as they stumbled backwards frantically, breathless still from the shouting. As Jeno tugged Renjun’s head back, pulling at the hair he had tangled his fingers in, he slid his tongue across Renjun’s lips, and he was hooked again. He’d forgotten how good it all felt, the fire in Jeno’s words now on his lips as he drew back and kissed him harder. 

Renjun hated himself, Jeno was right, he wasn’t his. He dragged his fingernails down Jeno’s back as they neared the bedroom, insecurities already discarded with the rest of his sanity as he grasped Jeno’s shirt tighter in his hands. 

It had taken them a total of one month and one two weeks to break their no sex rule. 

\--

In the morning, Renjun felt awful. He’d woken up in Jeno’s arms again, but this time with a sense of dread. He knew Jeno was awake when he opened his eyes, but neither of them said anything to each other. He glared at the ceiling, the fire from last night had been extinguished, he was burnt ashes on the ground, smouldering still. Jeno let go of his waist and turned onto his side. 

“I have a commitment problem”, Renjun whispered, the sound almost inaudible. 

“I know.” 

It hurt Renjun, the emptiness in Jeno’s voice. Sex was the closest he’d ever been to him, yet last night had made him feel so far away. 

He got up, shameful as he put on each piece of clothing that Jeno had torn off him last night, or maybe he had done it himself, he couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter anyway. He walked to the door, half hoping that Jeno would stop him as he let his pace drag. He didn’t though but he could still feel his eyes on his back. He didn’t want to turn around. There was nothing for him to turn around for anymore, nobody holding him, no one telling him to stay for breakfast, only silence. 

He walked away. 

\--

If he thought that morning had been bad, then work had been hell. 

The passing of the weekend didn’t dull the ache in his heart, and when he saw Jeno, he’d felt a fresh wave of hurt settle over him as they looked at each other for a moment and glanced away again. He didn’t know how they’d managed, but they hadn't spoken the entire day, not when they were at their desks, or when Renjun had tried to place a coffee down by Jeno and the man had ignored him, not even when the day drew to a much needed close. 

Three days later, the scenes had become too much for Renjun as they repeated. He knew what his heart wanted now, he didn’t even know why he was denying it anymore. 

It was thrilling, every moment with Jeno, every touch, the gentleness filled with its own thrill. He couldn’t remember when it had stopped being just sex and become something more to him. He knew for Jeno it had been a long time ago, maybe it had always been the same for him, he wasn’t sure now. But when he realised, he’d been laying on his bed in the lethargy of the early hours of Thursday evening. The sky was already dark, he could see it from the window in his room, but he didn’t care, he had to go to Jeno. He’d waited long enough. 

That’s how he found himself outside Jeno’s apartment, his thin sweater drenched by the onset of the rain as it stuck his hair to his face. He’d taken the bus half way here and had to walk the rest. Well, he had run, the freezing rain leaving a chill on his skin. 

He hit the intercom and it buzzed noisily. For a few seconds there was nothing. His chest heaved from the effort of the journey here, a feeling all too overwhelming for him as he waited in silence. The weight of the burden of his confession was even heavier though. This was until he heard the static of the microphone. Jeno answered. 

“Renjun.” He heard his name crackle through the speaker. 

“Can I come in?” Renjun looked into the camera. There was no sound. “Please, I need to talk to you, Jeno.” 

“We can talk here”, Jeno’s voice cut in finally but he hesitated again. “I can’t let you in, it’ll just be like it always is. We’ll end up sleeping together and then you’ll walk away.” 

Renjun felt the tears well in his eyes so familiarly. “I miss you Jeno”, he stated helplessly. He didn’t know what to do, he just needed Jeno to listen to what he was saying. If he was rejected, at least he would have let his heart out. “I want to be with you. I wasn’t missing the sex, I was missing the man that made me smile, Mr nice guy”, he choked on a pathetic laugh as a tear rolled down his face. “I want him back.” There was more silence after that and Renjun glanced at the ground in defeat, screwing his eyes shut but looking back up into the camera. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

He felt lighter after that, like the burden had been lifted from him, he could only hear Jeno’s shortened breaths as they rasped through the intercom. It was quiet still. 

“I love you”, he said again. 

Renjun was sure now that he’d broken Jeno, pushed him so many times that he would never bounce back, never let Renjun into his heart again, or his apartment. The pain ripped through him, but he masked it with a saddened smile. He put his head down again and turned. He loved Jeno enough to let him go. 

Then he heard the click of the main door. He turned back around, the door having opened automatically on Jeno’s command. This was his chance, and he was going to take it. 

He leapt through it and pushed it behind him, the air inside warm against his soaking skin. Jeno’s apartment was across the hallway, he rushed to the doorway quickly, stopping suddenly when he saw Jeno standing in it. He was wearing all black, his arms folded as he watched Renjun, brows knitted together in an expression that Renjun couldn’t read. 

He cried even harder at the sight of Jeno, stopping a few metres in front of him. He searched his face, waited, but Jeno didn’t say anything for a while, just glanced at Renjun as if to make sure he was real. 

“Say that again”, Jeno said. 

“I love you, Lee Jeno.” 

“You’d better come in then”, Jeno spoke and he opened the door and beckoned Renjun inside it. He went in tentatively and Jeno shut it behind them. Jeno’s hand found the back of his neck, like it had done those nights ago, except this time it felt right as Jeno kissed him softly, pushing him up against the back of the closed door. He smiled at him, not caring about the wet that tainted Renjun's skin as he pressed against him harder, brushing a few wet strands of hair off Renjun's forehead. Renjun slotted an arm round Jeno’s waist and wrapped his legs naturally around Jeno’s, the other lifting him up by his thighs so that he could carry him. He broke away from the softness of their kiss. 

“Say it again”, he mumbled against Renjun’s lips. 

“I love you.” 

“And again.” 

“I _love_ you”, Renjun giggled this time, his nose bumping with Jeno’s. 

“You do?” 

“Yes, I do.” 

Then Jeno was carrying him towards his bedroom, the two laughing into their kisses. He laid the smaller down on the bed gently, with every bit of tenderness he could muster. He put both his hands on Renjun’s face. 

“I love you too”, he said and bent down to capture Renjun’s lips again. 

The day that Renjun had admitted that he loved Jeno had felt like the most honest day of his life. 

\--

The next day had marked their first date. 

It was at an ice cream parlour near Renjun’s apartment. Jeno had driven them there, Renjun holding his hand and pulling him inside. He could do that now, hold his hand without feeling the weight of guilt that came with it. 

Renjun had paid for the ice cream, and the coffees too. The usual for both of them, a cinnamon latte for Jeno and an americano for himself. Some things would never change. He smiled as he carried the tray over to the table Jeno was already sitting at. 

“One mint chocolate chip for the man with beautiful brown eyes”, he announced as he placed the ice cream down in front of Jeno. “Strawberry for the one with the commitment problem that doesn’t deserve him.” He put the tub in his place and sat down in the chair there. 

“So, you’re committing then?”, Jeno laughed softly but Renjun could sense the intent in his voice. He scooped some of the ice cream up with his spoon and ate it. 

“Yes”, Renjun said, and he meant it. He tried his own ice cream, the sweetness melted on his tongue. 

“Is this a date then?” 

“Yes, this is a date”, Renjun laughed. 

“Finally,” Jeno grinned as he sat back in his seat. 

Renjun watched Jeno stick his spoon into the dessert messily, bringing it up to his mouth. His eyes followed the action, distracted from their conversation. 

"Want some?", Jeno said, holding up the tub in front of Renjun's face. Renjun felt his cheeks heat up, caught staring. Jeno put the tub down again, spooning more of the ice cream out and bringing the metal up to Renjun's mouth. He scowled at it briefly before his face softened and he let Jeno feed him, laughing as the trails of cream were left on his top lip. Licking them away slowly, he smiled coyly at Jeno. 

"Delicious", he grinned, Jeno caught up by the sight, but he reached forward then, taking Jeno’s latte off the table and bringing it to his lips. The coffee was nothing like the americano in front of him, it was warm and comforting like the man it belonged too, the cinnamon tingling the back of his throat as it mixed with the sweetness of the ice cream. 

“What are you doing?” 

Renjun put the cup back where it was. “I just thought I’d try something different, you know?”, he said as he smiled at Jeno. 

“Nice and boring then?” Jeno took another mouthful of the ice cream. 

“It’s not boring at all”, Renjun insisted, remembering the flavours that had graced his tongue only moments ago. “Look at all that cinnamon on top.” He pointed to the froth on the drink that had been topped by small sprinkles of the spice. “Cinnamon”, he pointed at Jeno. “That’s the warmest and sweetest spice of them all.” 

“You think so?”, Jeno chuckled. 

“It is”, Renjun insisted but looked back down at his own cup. “I think I’ll stick to americanos though”, he heard Jeno laugh again but then another thought struck him. 

“Jeno”, he cut through the noise in the café. “How are we actually going to make this work? In the office…”, he felt himself trail off naturally. Jeno lowered the spoon from his mouth, chewing on his bottom lip nervously as he thought about what Renjun had said. 

“I’m actually not sure”, he admitted. “I know we’ll have to be discreet, I don’t exactly know what the rules are but I’m not sure dating your boss is particularly appropriate.” 

“Don’t worry, I wont let it effect our working relationship. We'll be discreet, I wont let this jeopardise either of our jobs. If there’s any problem, I’ll look for different work, I’m not sure I’ll find anything quite like this but you’re worth it Jeno.” 

“I don’t think it will come to that, let’s just take it one day at a time.” 

Renjun nodded, he looked at Jeno and he knew everything was going to be okay. 

\--

That’s how the next three months continued, Renjun having Jeno as his boyfriend, and he was happy, happier than he’d ever been. When they had sex like this, it was different to before, there was no urgency now, because Jeno was his and he was Jeno’s. The office was comfortable too, despite their hidden relationship and the professionalism they tried to maintain in front of their colleagues. But today, Renjun had been feeling extra affectionate towards his boyfriend. He stood behind him at his desk now in one of his breaks and smiled at Jeno lovingly as he massaged his shoulders gently. 

“How did you know that was exactly what I needed?”, Jeno groaned. 

“I’m your personal assistant, it’s my job to know everything about you”, Renjun teased. 

“I’m not sure this counts”, Jeno laughed. “Everything?” 

“Yes Jeno, everything.” 

“What am I thinking right now then?”, Jeno grinned. 

“That I should be getting on with my work instead of massaging you.” 

“Wrong”, Jeno sighed and kissed Renjun softly. 

“I like that suit on you”, Renjun mumbled as his hands fell from Jeno’s shoulders tentatively. 

It’s true, he did like the suit. He liked the thrill of their touches in the office, the thrill of everything with Jeno. But as the days passed into months, the thrills died down, he didn’t need them anymore and the alcohol and fleeting romances turned to cups of warm coffee and cosy kisses on the couch. It’s true, Renjun loved the business suit, but he also loved it when he was curled up next to Jeno in the evenings he stayed at his apartment, or when Jeno stayed at his, it didn’t matter as long as they were together. He loved it when his head was on Jeno’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat as it reminded him of the love he’d found. 

He knew Jeno was where he wanted to be. 

\--

Then came the day that changed everything for them. 

Jeno had been distracted most of the day and when Renjun had tried to make conversation, each response was framed with a pained squint below a furrowed brow. 

“Okay - what’s wrong?” Renjun demanded eventually. He walked over to Jeno and sat on the edge of his desk, leaning forward to face the other. 

“Renjun, I ... “ Jeno brought a palm up to his forehead and closed his eyes briefly. “I’m sorry... I... there’s something I need to talk to you about.” 

Renjun’s stomach lurched and his heart raced. He knew he shouldn’t have let himself fall in love, been so careless. But Jeno placed a hand over his, clearly troubled, whatever was on his mind was hurting him. 

“I’ve been offered the most amazing opportunity.” He laughed ironically. “It’s a promotion, big pay rise, perfect job really.” 

“Jeno, that’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you.” Renjun gushed and then paused as he recalled the anxiety in the other’s face. “What’s the problem?” 

“Ah... it’s in Tokyo.” 

Silence. 

“Tokyo?” Renjun whispered. 

“Myunghee, she asked me to head up the sales operation in the new office in Japan. I found out this morning. I’ve been so worried about telling you, Renjun. I haven’t decided whether to take it yet, I can’t bear the thought of being that far away from you.” 

Renjun felt the tears welling and blinked them back as best he could. He couldn’t hold Jeno back. Sicheng had taken his future, he couldn’t deny Jeno this opportunity. “It’s not so far, we can still see each other. Just not as often”, he said bravely. “A promotion Jeno, that’s great. You’d be mad to turn it down.” He felt his heart aching as he forced the words out. 

“It’s for a year initially, with the option to transfer back home at the end of it. Just to get the new office up and running, she said. I have a week to decide. If I take it, I’d fly out in two months.” 

“That soon?” Renjun looked wide eyed at his boyfriend. “What about Bongsik?” 

“It would take a while to sort out quarantine arrangements so she’d have to stay here with my parents for a month or so, then I could come back and get her... if I go,” he added. 

“What are you going to do?” Renjun questioned. 

“I don’t know,” Jeno replied and leaned over to kiss Renjun softly. “It’s not just Bongsik and me anymore.” 

\--

Three days later, Renjun received the meeting invitation in his inbox. Three days in which he had been overly clingy with Jeno. He’d felt the sense of dread as he tried to savour every short moment he had with the man he loved. Jeno had been the same, asking Renjun to stay over every night since he’d told him, holding him close under the warm sheets of their bed and burying his face in his hair as he fell asleep in his arms. Jeno had told him he felt like shit. That he hated himself for hurting him. Renjun had smiled back and told him he was fine. That a little distance would just make the times they were together more special. He’d learned how to lie from an expert. 

He knocked on the meeting room door and entered swiftly, Myunghee gesturing for him to take a seat. 

“Renjun, it’s good to see you again, how are you?” She spoke warmly. 

“I’m good thank you,” he responded warily. 

“Excellent. Well thank you for sparing me some of your time. I must say I found your insight into client management fascinating the other day. Have you worked in that area before?” 

“You could say,” he replied and thought of the Friday night regulars he’d delivered pizzas to before landing his current job. He’d made a point of learning their names and even suggested a loyalty scheme to maintain the customer base. It was a similar concept, just on a bigger scale now, lawyers instead of pizzas. 

“You know I’ve been here to gather the best elements of the operation for our new offices in Japan? That’s also included finding people to move to Tokyo to fill key roles while we get up and running.” 

“Yes, I heard”, he interjected. 

“Yes, well I need an account manager to look after our existing clients, once our new sales director has secured the business.” 

“The sales director being Jeno, right?” Renjun stopped her again. 

“Oh, he told you? He asked for some time to think about it, that’s good it sounds like he’s made up his mind.” 

“Hmm,” was all Renjun could manage. 

“As I was saying,” she continued, “I need a client account manager to work alongside Jeno and I was very impressed by the way you two work together. Now you don’t have to take me up on this, I know it’s a big step up and a move overseas - obviously you’ll get a significant pay rise - and please feel free to say no...” 

“Yes” 

“I’m sorry?” 

“Yes,” Renjun repeated. 

“I’d like to offer you the client account manager role.” 

“I said yes,” Renjun emphasised more strongly this time. “I mean, thank you, I’d like to accept the offer.” 

“Well that was decisive, Jeno wasn’t nearly as keen when I spoke to him about the transfer.” 

“I have a question,” Renjun stated. “Would I still be working for Jeno? Would he be my boss?” 

“No, you’d both be reporting directly to me in the short term until I can get the structure sorted. It’s likely that I’ll bring in someone new to lead your area as it expands. Is there a problem? I thought you liked working for Jeno.” 

“I do. That’s perfect. It’ll be good for both of us to have a change.” He smiled. “One other thing, could you not tell Jeno I’ve accepted the role, I’d like to tell him myself?” 

“Of course. It’ll be great to have you on the team, Renjun.” 

“Thank you. I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity and I won’t let you down.” 

He really did have a lot to thank Myunghee for, this was the second time the woman had made him realise how much he needed Jeno in his life. With that she shook his hand and left the meeting room. Renjun shook his head in disbelief, leaning back in the chair and letting out a heavy sigh as he dared to admit to himself that this might work out for him and Jeno. 

\--

They were in Jeno’s apartment again tonight. Renjun had made the plans himself. Jeno still didn’t know about his job, tonight he would tell him. He’d printed out the two flight tickets to Tokyo and then hidden them in a folder in his bag before he took the bus to Jeno’s apartment. 

Once Jeno had let him in, he tried to act normal, and Jeno had made dinner for both of them but he was restless, aching to spill the news but seeing how long he could hold this out for. 

“What’s the matter with you?”, Jeno was puzzled as Renjun fidgeted in his seat. 

“Nothing, nothing”, Renjun shrugged as he picked up his fork and tried to act normally but he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the edge of his lips as he gleamed at the clueless man next to him. 

“You’ve cheered up”, Jeno commented. 

“Well”, Renjun started, amusing himself. “I’ve been thinking that you taking the job in Japan might not be such a bad thing.” 

“Huh?”, Jeno squinted at him. “Aren’t you going to miss me?”, he pouted. 

“No”, Renjun shook his head. “I think I’ll be okay.” 

Jeno looked deflated and Renjun felt a tiny bit of guilt strike him. He changed the subject instead. 

“I was looking for Bongsik’s mouse toy earlier, it’s her favourite now, do you know where it's gone?”, Renjun said, dismissing Jeno’s comment. 

“It’s in her basket”, Jeno answered but he paused before speaking again. “Renjun I really don’t know what to do about this job”, he sighed. “I could just reject it, I’m sure we’d be fine just carrying on like we are here-“ 

“I think you should go.” 

“Right”, Jeno said, visibly hurt by Renjun’s dismissal. 

Renjun stood up then, deciding he could bear the torment of watching Jeno’s confusion no longer. He placed his empty plate by the sink and walked over to the bag, Jeno seeing the flash of white before he could properly hide it behind his back. 

“What’s that?”, Jeno pointed. 

“A surprise”, Renjun grinned at him. 

“What surprise?”, Jeno laughed, his heart still weakened by the decision he thought he had to make that was drawing ever closer. 

“Wait a second.” Jeno came closer though, attempting to peer behind Renjun’s back so he could see what he was concealing. 

“What is it Renjun?”, he whined, his arms snaking round his boyfriend’s small frame and trying to grab at the folder playfully. 

Renjun stood on his tiptoes, nuzzling Jeno’s neck lovingly and pressing a light kiss beneath his jaw as high as he could reach. “Ah”, he teased and moved the folder up higher so that Jeno couldn’t reach it but then in the next moment Jeno lifted him, hands under his thighs and scooped him up onto the kitchen counter. He pecked his boyfriend’s lips softly, enjoying the feeling of being able to lean down into the kiss. 

“I love you”, Renjun gushed. 

“I love you too Renjun, but what are you hiding?” 

Renjun pulled the folder out from behind his back then and placed it in the man’s hands. Jeno scanned over it, glancing up at Renjun quickly who motioned for him to open it. 

“Look inside.” 

Jeno slid the pieces of paper out of it, reading the words on the first page carefully before he looked at Renjun again. 

“You really want me to go?”, Jeno said as he eyed the ticket, the second one underneath his own sliding out. He caught it quickly and scrutinised it in confusion. “This has your name on it.” He stared at the boarding pass with Renjun’s full name printed on it, and then back to his own, then up at Renjun. 

“I’m coming too”, Renjun smiled at him. 

Jeno’s eyes lit up for a moment before they faded sadly again as though he had tried to ground himself. “You can’t leave your job Renjun. I don’t want to mess things up for you.” 

“I’m not.” 

“What?” 

“Myunghee offered me a new job.” He kissed Jeno’s lips in between his speech. “With you in Japan.” 

“What?”, Jeno sounded like he had been flooded with relief. “Doing what?” 

“You’re looking at the new client account manager”, Renjun said proudly. 

“You got that role? Renjun, I knew you’d impressed her. So, you’ll be looking after the clients with me?” 

Renjun nodded. 

“We’re flying out together?” 

Renjun nodded again. 

“In exactly thirty-two days.” 

"I can't believe you let me think you were pleased I was going, you're so _mean_ ", he whined, "I love you." 

Jeno slammed the papers down on the kitchen counter and drew Renjun into a warm hug. 

\--

Thirty-two days later, thirty-two days of preparations and planning, of business training and Jaemin throwing the most extravagant leaving party he’d ever seen, Renjun had found himself on that plane. 

The seats were large and spacious, but not large enough to separate him properly from Jeno. He looked across at his boyfriend who was fumbling with his jacket as he slung it under the seat for take-off. Once he’d got it under he stopped when he felt Renjun’s eyes on him, the other smiling at his boyfriend as he leaned back in the seat again. 

He felt the wheels of the plane start to move. He’d never envisioned himself doing anything much with his life after he'd dropped out, but as he glanced out the window at the skyline of Seoul, for once he wanted to leave it behind. If only for a year, two, he didn’t mind. He would go wherever Jeno went because he knew that was where he would be happiest. Tokyo meant being away from his past, away from Sicheng and the things that had hurt him before. 

He slipped his hand into Jeno’s and the other squeezed it gently in unspoken acknowledgement. 

All his life he had chased thrills when he should have been looking for the stability he’d found in Jeno. It _was_ a thrill though, all of this. A different kind of thrill to the hit he got in a seedy nightclub in Seoul, from the uncertainty of each night, from the shots of caffeine in his americano. No, this was a cinnamon latte. 

“This is a big commitment you know?”, Jeno said and Renjun smiled at him. 

“I think I’ll be alright.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this story it means a lot! ( a side not that I absolutely love sicheng with my whole heart I’m sorry for making his character like that, although I do not view him as a distinctly ‘bad’ character, I believe that he and renjun brought out the worst in each other in their relationship) Also I want to say a huge thank you to @/norenficfest for organising this fic fest! And to my wonderful prompter too, thank you so much, I don't know who you are yet but I hope you enjoyed this and there wasn't too much angst for you aaa! I really enjoyed writing this story a lot :) 
> 
> My twitter is **@renjunfairydust** if anyone would like to follow and be friends!  
> Anyway, once again thank you so much for reading I hope this was okay and kudos+comments are hugely appreciated I love you all٩(^ᴗ^)۶


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